04x12 - Knife Strife

What's this?

Snack.

Snack is, uh, convenient ready-to-eat finger food.

Yeah. Use your finger to hold knife and cut food.

Yeobo, next time something more convenient.

Like a snackable.

I already bring you snack apple.

No, snackable.

These, hm?

Just have to open and eat.

Huh. Yeah.

Maybe use something sharp to cut.

No, don't need a knife.

That's the whole point, hm.

Snackable is cooking...

Maybe you need to rest.

Have apple, then try again.

( Door opens )

You thank me later.

( Theme music playing )

( Doorbell chimes )

Hi.

Hi.

Yes, grab a drink and then get back and doing nothing about the crime in this neighborhood.

( Sighs )

Things getting worse, huh.

More gang, more steal.

Kids vaping their brains out on the street at all hours of the day.

Yeah, kid spray-paint all over wall, huh.

"By Felicia." Who's Felicia?

Where is she going?

Yet, when you complain to the police, nothing.

Waste of... Ah, root beer.

Excellent choice, officer.

One dollar plus tax.

Oh.

( Clears throat ) Uh, speak about tax, how come so much of my tax money go to the police but neighborhood crime is more?

We're doing our best, sir.

I know you is under pressure and the job is hard, but so many steal, so many fights.

So many people with off-leash dogs who say they're friendly but who know, huh?

Well, I'll mention it to my supervisor.

Maybe there's something more that we can do.

Yeah, okay. Hope so.

Lots of police say but maybe this time it's different.

Maybe.

Excuse me?

Nothing.

Got the goods.

( Sighs ) Great.

Just put them somewhere accessible but not distracting.

What's with that?

The GTHBMAGM?

The Greater Turner Handy Branch Manager Annual General Meeting.

That's why we had to go nuts with the donuts.

Yeah, I was more asking about the drawings.

I also did a pretty bad-ass volcano.

Seems little casual for a managers' meeting.

Don't worry about it, rookie.

These meetings are kinda informal.

More like a tailgate.

So, drunk in a parking lot?

Just relax, talking shop, sharing war stories.

Plus a dinner head office pays for.

Yeah, sorry...

I just put a lot of work for what I thought was two days of intense meetings.

Oh, that's great. It's not like work doesn't get done, but things can get a little rowdy.

And watch out for Randy.

Jung: I had to ransack her.

Swapped my protein powder for baby formula.

Somewhere out there is a really ripped baby.

I don't think the baby had to eat your protein powder.

Hm, you don't get it yet.

Randy's bark is worse than his bite.

And when he bites, he almost never breaks the skin.

Gotcha.

Honestly, it's gonna be so much fun and as long as you, you know, just go along with the group.

Sounds like a cult.

( Chuckles ) God, no. That'd be so much easier.

Good afternoon. Do you have a minute?

I didn't know it was school zone, and 90 is speed limit on lots of roads.

We're actually here to see Mr. Kim.

I'm Mr. Kim.

I understand you had some issues with the policing in this area.

Maybe.

Female officer: It's okay.

We're trying to work more with community leaders.

( Scoffs ) Yeah, that's the problem, huh.

You always talk to community leader instead of regular people.

No, I mean community leaders like you.

Oh, yeah!

Good to work with me too. ( Chuckles )

We need people like you...

Community leader.

Yes. To come forward with any helpful information they may help.

Of course, we snitch. Any time.

You mess up, we fess up.

Female officer: That's not what I meant.

But if you know or heard anything about the recent break-ins?

Or the stabbing last night.

Stabbing? What do you mean?

( Police radio chatter )

Just that someone was, you know, stabbed.

You catch who did?

Unfortunately, we don't have a lot to go on.

No description, no weapon. Nothing.

So then he or she, but probably he, is still out there.

Correct. So let us know if you see or remember anything.

Okay, okay.

( Police radio chatter )

Best to give to leader, huh.

Ah, on behalf of community, thank you.

Hey.

I give him two minutes.

Sorry?

Good luck, fresh meat.

Charles, looking good. Have you lost some hair?

( Laughing )

I do okay.

I have had three wives.

I've had a couple husbands.

Question is, have you ever been married?

Ooh.

Sorry, Randy.

I couldn't hear you over the sound of every woman in the universe screaming, "No!"

Sha-zap.

Okay.

At least Pete's ex-wife let him keep his ugly ties.

( All laugh )

You know, I actually like that tie.

Oh, great. Pete, the guy with the faux-hawk here wants some fashion tips.

( Laughter )

Faux-hawk. That's good.

Don't compliment me, Emo.

So is this a 'Something about Mary situation,' or did you style it like that on purpose?

Follow up question, why?

( All laugh )

This is fun, but maybe we should get started.

We already have, Chuckles. Who brought the Mathlete?

Hey? Leave my guy alone.

He did a bunch of homework before the big meeting today, so he could impress teacher.

Stay down, Assistant Managers. Ya useless.

( Laughing )

All right. Let him find his soother sweet and cry it out.

Aw!

( All chuckle )

What the hell?

That was so good, you really fit in.

Fit into what? You called me useless.

If I didn't do that, they would have started piling on It's just a little friendly fire.

Like our soldiers are shot in the back by their own side?

Exactly. I have to go or they'll sense weakness.

Keep it up, you're doing great.

Hey, Pete. I heard your kid turned five.

How does it feel to be going head-to-head with equal brain power?

( Imitates mic drop )

All: Ooh!

Man: Ouch.

Woman: Damn.

Do you need any help, ransacking?

Yeobo, where you put knife?

Snack apple knife?

Somewhere.

You want to go to jail?

Why we go to jail?

( Sighs ) Remember police say there's stabbing the other day?

Oh, my God, Umma, what did you do?

I just find knife.

( Gasps ) You find the stabbing knife.

No, I don't know.

I just find good knife, so I take.

( Gasps )

You let me eat snack made with the murder knife?

Police say 'stabbing' not murder.

I let me eat snack made with attempt murder knife.

Why do you think it was used for the stabbing?

I find in dumpster.

I put in my mouth apple cut with the blood and the garbage of murder knife?

Why were you in the dumpster?

I was just taking out the garbage.

And then I see it, Miyazaki paring knife.

Always stay sharp, lifetime guarantee.

Yeah. Some lifetime shorter than other because of a knife.

You need to tell the police.

And let them know that I find in garbage?

Like your Umma is a cheap immigrant garbage picker?

That's what you worry about?

Your fingerprint, my fingerprint all over murder garbage knife!

I didn't know it was murder garbage knife!

You found it in the garbage!

I don't see you complain about suede skirt.

Wha...

You found my skirt in the garbage?

That's so gross!

Oh, yeah?

Would you skirt stab into man and cut apple into snack?

Sorry, emergency family meeting.

This is important.

Yeah. Okay. Stay calm.

I am calm.

But I won't be if I don't get a cigarette.

We can help you with that, hm?

Oh, and I found this knife over by the snack bowls.

Is it yours?

( Sighs deeply )

Uh...

Yeah, it's the best knife.

Feel balance.

Got good grip.

Touch all over with finger.

Appa!

Shh.

( Sighs )

( Chuckles )

The doc was pretty depressing.

Eh, maybe a little.

Tara: You cried twice.

Once while we were in line for popcorn.

I'm Korean, my people feel things.

Really made me want me to see Cambodia, though.

Odd take-away from a movie about homeless children, but okay.

The whole thing sounds great. I really want to check it out.

Sorry, did anyone want some green rooibos?

No, thanks, but smells good.

Not really, but it is amazing for mental cleansing.

Thank you, green rooibos.

Anyway... ( Chuckles lightly ) ..a super powerful movie.

Oh, especially the last sequence.

Oh, with "Hallelujah" playing underneath.

I love that song.

Hey, my friend wrote it.

Uh, Leonard Cohen is your friend?

No, Shyleigh MacDonald.

She's a great singer and a triathlete.

Cool - Yeah.

But this is definitely Leonard Cohen singing "Hallelujah".

Which he wrote.

I think Nathan's saying Shyleigh did a cover. Right?

Sure. She put this song out in the universe, and it obviously made its way into the film.

That's so cool, and so Shyleigh.

( Knock at door )

Coming!

Jung: What's up, nerd? Just going for a run.

Emergency pit stop.

Okay, that's... that's what I'm here for.

This is my brother. I think you've met everyone.

Doubt it. This guy I know. What's going on?

Oh, talking documentaries.

Ugh. It's like someone made the news into a movie.

That's not true.

I saw one about healing stones.

Aquamarine is amazing for joint pain.

Does it work on sore quads?

No. Take cider vinegar.

Works great, especially with Advil.

This guy, better than WebMD.

Okay, Janet. Got to go take a dump.

Say bye to your nerd friends for me.

You know they can hear you, right?

I'll send you a link to the doc.

It's free if you subscribe to earthvibepeace.net.

( Door closes )


( Sighs ) They have great recipes.

What were we talking about before?

Nothing.

Yo.

What's that smell?

Vinegar.

Kimchee: On French fries?

On my legs. Nathan's idea.

Okay.

Hey. How was your work dinner?

Did they tell the waiter it was your coming out party? Classic Deanne.

I skipped dinner.

Those meetings today were rough.

Yeah, they can be brutal.

Was Pete there? Did he give you the haymaker?

I don't know what that is, but I probably got it.

Those guys are the best.

Funny. I was thinking they're terrible and I don't like them.

And then there's Shannon...

Ah, the Shannonball. She goes for the jugular.

Are you kidding? She blindsided me.

You just got to seize your moment and pounce.

Once they see that you fight back, they don't want to constantly come at you.

I'm not used to being mean to people I don't know or have nothing against.

And I'm not used to having vinegar on my legs, but look at the results.

( Exhales ) Is it on the couch?

Oh, it's everywhere.

( Dog barking )

Hey, who's stinky hoodie is this?

It's Jung's.

He borrowed one of your shirts to wear home. Just toss it.

Oh, how was that a fair trade?

I'm down two sleeves.

Where's Nathan?

He went home.

I needed some alone time.

Say no more.

Do you think Nathan's my type?

I don't know.

I mean you've dated a cop, an engaged doctor, and a yoga instructor who believes in reincarnation.

Do you have a type?

But we're a good match, right?

Yeah, right. I mean, he's cool, er, nice And it's not a huge deal if you don't have similar interests or maybe have slightly different takes on what reality is.

He once told me he was a black woman in a former life.

He should maybe not say that.

Oh, my God. We are totally different people.

Well, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I mean, like, Chelsea and I have nothing in common, but look at our relationship.

Yeah.

All right, we should probably get started so Charles can get a nap.

( Laughs )

Hey, I'm not the one wearing yesterday's clothes, Deanne.

Did you sleep in your car again?

Yeah, I bet, uh, I bet some new clothes will feel like a breath of fresh air for Deanne which she would like, because her asthma...

You look like a public toilet.

( Laughing )

Okay. Yep, succinct.

You lightweights all left early. I had to go clubbing solo.

We left because Randy got too deep into the daiquiri.

Drunk on daiquiris. I said it, too.

Yeah, we missed you at dinner last night, Kimchee.

Yeah, once we noticed you weren't there.

( Chuckling )

Oh, yeah Pete...

Maybe you should focus on noticing when your kid's birthday is, Pete.

That's funny because...

Shannon: Yeah, Pete.

You missed your daughter's birthday, you missed her birth, and I hear you missed her conception too.

( All laugh )

Ooh.

And you're scared of horses.

So?

Don't expect too much, he's like a mascot.

His failures cheer us up.

( Laughing )

I'm the mascot?

I'm not the one who speaks in puns.

I need a dad joke dictionary just to talk to you.

Oh, good one.

( Laughter )

Oh, what's all the hand gestures?

Are we having a meeting or milking a cow?

Not as good.

And you can save your dance moves for your cats.

And save your stories about your cats for the only people in your life who care, your cats!

( All laugh )

Shannon's a cat lady?

Oh, she has pictures all over her office.

Or should I say 'den'?

Cougar and her cubs, am I right?

Gunnin' for Shannon, I love it.

You suck, Shannon.

( Laughing )

Guess you didn't have this neutered like you did last guy, huh?

She didn't have him neutered, she had him ca-neutered, like canoodle.

I'll keep working on it.

Point is, they're doing it.

( All laughing )

You're burned, Shannon. You're burned.

( Laughing )

There, exhibit A, for stabbing.

Where did you find this?

Outside.

Could you be more specific?

In dumpster. Mr. Kim find.

Found in dumpster.

Any particular reason you were in the dumpster?

Just to look, people do.

Totally normal.

Yeah, my husband find lot of valuable things in dumpster.

Cuff-links, suede skirt.

Oh, maybe not so crazy looking in the garbage.

So were the cuff-links and the skirt with the knife?

No. All different time.

And just to clarify, when did you find the knife?

Today.

Yesterday.

( Chuckles ) One moment, please.

( Whispering indistinctly )

( Clears throat ) Some time between yesterday and today.

And did you find it like this?

Yes.

No.

( Chuckles awkwardly )

Just a second, please.

( Whispering indistinctly )

( Appa clears throat )

We do not know at this time.

Yeah, it's just probably lots of people touch.

So maybe someone clean murder garbage knife.

No one was murdered.

Not yet.

Pardon?

We done talking now. You talk.

( Chuckles nervously ) Okay. Hope the exhibit A help you narrow list.

But could be hard because no fingerprint on the knife.

Probably. You tell us.

We're not police, you police.

Good job. Okay, see you.

Thank you. We'll be in touch.

( Police radio chatter )

( Doorbell chimes )

You tell to me you buy my cuff-links at the Hudson Bay.

Hey, Nathan, it's me.

I'm here, uh, just wondering if you got my text and if you're coming, so we can talk.

Should be fun in this live bar you chose.

See you soon, I hope.

Jung: So, it's soda, grape juice and grenadine in a glass.

I call it 'Forever Jung.'

And seriously, do none of your cocktails have a calorie count?

Hey.

Hey.

Is Nathan here yet?

Why are you here?

I called him to say that the vinegar worked on the quads.

I couldn't find any cider, so used balsamic...

Anyway, he invited me out.

Without telling me.

I guess.

His friend Shyleigh is playing some of her songs.

( Microphone feedback )

Check. Check, one, one, check.

( Microphone feedback )

One, one.

So, it might get awkward with there being the three of us.

Oh, shall I call Shannon? Double date.

No, I'm saying I need to talk with Nathan. Alone.

Oh, well, I'd said I'd meet him here.

Is everything okay?

I'm your brother. I can tell when you're upset.

Unless you're confused. Those two are pretty close.

I'm breaking up with him.

What? No. What, no...

But he's a total catch.

He's super chill, and you're, like, an art nerd that takes pictures of lost and found boxes.

I... He's plenty chill.

I just don't think it's working out with us.

I think you're making a mistake. Don't end it.

Do you need an 'Angel Shot'?

I'll take one.

No. It's okay. He's my brother.

Fine. I'll go, but I'm still gonna keep seeing Nathan.

He's a good dude, and ripped.

Good luck finding another good, ripped dude.

We're few and far between.

Eww.

Yeah, I said it. Regretted it.

Sorry I'm late.

Oh. No, perfect timing.

Nice. She hasn't started yet.

I just wanted to say that it's been such an unexpected pleasure to connect with you.

You too.

It's rare to meet somebody on the same frequency. Literally.

Right There are worse frequencies.

And you're so genuine, and original, and gorgeous.

Uh-huh.

And your companionship is so... nice. And I love the free yoga.

Shyleigh: This is a song I wrote about a tree that I've loved my whole life.

♪ You bring the wine I'll bring the cheese ♪
♪ We can drink the water Straight from the creek ♪

I told you she was good.

Such a Sagittarius.

Don't worry, we didn't date.

Could you imagine, with a Pisces?

We should talk.

( Knock at on door )

Can I come in?

Sure, Arnold.

Wow, stooping to my legal name. Cold.

You'd prefer your dumb nickname from a stupid dance boss.

Hey! I was trying to fit in like you said.

You know, it's all good fun and friendly fire.

That fire was not friendly.

( Phone buzzes )

Great, another cat insult from Randy.

You really cut me open, Kimchee.

You called me a useless mascot.

Yeah, and that made you the target, not me.

Why does anyone have to be the target?

I don't know. The first one of these I went to, I smiled once, and they called me 'Smiley Cyrus' for, like, two years.

Okay. Sorry.

I was the youngest manager and the only woman.

I had to get vicious to get respect, and now I'm the crazy cat lady.

( Phone buzzes )

( Groans ) Great. Me and a cat photoshopped onto a poster of The Notebook.

So what?

You having cats is one of the things that makes you who you are.

A person I like and respect.

I like you, too. It's just with these guys, there's a whole history.

Anyway, I'm sorry for throwing you under the bus.

Me too.

Next year, you and me, we do some digging, get some dirt and hit these guys hard.

Yeah, there isn't gonna be a next year.

I figured. Deanne definitely put her hand on my thigh a few times.

You home?

I am.

Nice hoodie.

Yes, it's... it's... You know...

How was drinks with Nathan?

We broke up.

Oh.

Yeah.

Different auras, you know.

Yes.

Who said you could zip that up?

Can you believe he wanted to wash it? ( Scoffs )

Janet and Nathan just broke up.

Ooh.

Sorry, but I kinda saw that coming.

Was he nice about it?

I ended it.

Right, you dropped him.

I did drop him.

It must be exhausting dating someone so out of your league, right, bum-bum?

See, I don't like it when you do this.

Why? You got me somehow.

Enjoy it. Let's go watch the movie.

Hoodie on.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

'Cause we could talk about it.

I'm actually good, thanks.

Please can we talk about it?

Chelsea: Gerald?

I'm talking to Janet, she's really upset.

He's taking the hoodie off!

Chelsea: Gerald!

Why would you do that?

Wow!

Hi, Janet. Here.

You try jalapeño chip?

These are so spicy.

It's pronounced "halapeno."

Ah, okay, Hanet. ( Chuckles )

( Door opens )

Oh, hi, officer.

Here, you try jalapeño chip?

No, thanks. And isn't it...

Don't bother.

Any luck catch the stabber?

Yeah, actually we did get him.

Oh, you welcome.

Sorry?

We give you murder garbage knife.

You should write that down, help you remember.

Well, I'm pretty sure the guy had the knife on him when they caught him.

Oh.

Oh, so not the knife we find?

I guess not. The important thing is we got him.

Yeah, yeah. Good job.

So, uh, where is our knife?

Oh, my God, Umma.

Oh, my God, Janet.

It was Miyazaki knife.

It cut through meat, gristle and bone.

Never go dull.

Bone after bone after bone, oh.

How often are you cutting through bone?

My parents aren't as psychotic as they sound.

So, is knife at police station?

Umma, I will buy you a new knife.

Aye, no need, Janet.

Just ask your supervisor.

Tell her knife belong to community leader.

She know which one.

You can just have the root beer.

Uh, for small discount.

Just take it.

Yeah.

No.

( Stammers, groans )