01x06 - Golden Harvest

Hugh: I am great surgeon.

Just ask the 1,017 people walking around out there because of me.

Champagne, champagne, champagne!

Oh, sh1t. sh1t. sh1t. sh1t. sh1t. Help here!

Man: You'll be placed on the Impaired Registrants List.

You're banned from surgical practice.

Man 2: We'd like you to serve your year of atonement as a general practitioner in the town of Whyhope.

So generous of you to use your sabbatical to help our local community.

Yeah, I guess it is big of me.

Can I Instagram you for your arrival?

You are on the Impaired Registrant List.

No-one, of course, knows that, except for me and the board.

You have really lovely eyes.

All the better to see through your bullshit.

Can't you go somewhere else?

Worried you'll fall for me?

There's absolutely nothing there. You're my ex.

You're a dad, you know.

What?

Ajax. He's yours.

Ajax is my son?

(GROANS IN PAIN)

Charlie? Charlie!

You have an early pregnancy, but the embryo is stuck in one of your fallopian tubes and it's ruptured.

We're gonna have to operate.

Charlie, I'm so pleased.

A baby!

It's a burst fallopian tube.

You gotta prepare the pan before the perfect pancake.

I've been googling that women die from this sh1t.

Yeah, well, not today.

You chose the right brother.

You and Matt will make great parents.

And you will make the classic reprobate uncle.

I'll do my best.

Penny: Nice work back there.

I won't tell anyone you're a natural.

Hugh: You lied to me.

I prefer 'gentle embellishment'.

You know I'm a surgeon, not a midwife.

That's what country doctors do, and that's what you are now.

Can we please get back to civilisation?

(COW MOOS)

Hugh: Can I interest you in a beer?

Sure. Why not?

Ooh, look at that. A $6,000 watch.

Did you steal that?

What? It's mine. I'm giving it to Ajax for his birthday.

Have you met your brother?

He's gonna love it.

He's a bush boy, not a pimp.

What would you give an armed religious psychopath then?

Not that.

Right.

Helpful.

(VEHICLE APPROACHES)

(SIREN WAILS)

Is that...

Ah, nope.

Yes, it is.

All you hear is the call of a smooth golden ale.

We better follow them.

Malty aroma.

Fruity hops.

It will end up with us anyway.

Penny: Hey. Jill.

Oh, Penny. Um, his name's Gary Hardy.

He's taken a big hit from that guy.

I've got a faint pulse.

Penny: Keep his neck still.

Gary, can you hear me, mate? Gary?

He's suffered a major head trauma.

We need to get him to Sydney tonight.

We need to assess him at the hospital before an airlift.

No, that might be too late.

He's unresponsive.

(SIGHS)

(MONITOR PIPS)

Checking vitals.

They're stable. The plane?

On stand-by, but it doesn't look good to me.

Well, I'm an optimist.

You should be a realist.

I suspect severe intracranial bleeding.

The radiologist just called. The CT results are ready.

Thanks, Aoife.

Fingers crossed for our FIFO.

Don't do anything until I get back.

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)

(UNLOCKS PHONE)

(BEEP!)

(OTHER PHONE RINGS)

Woman: Surgery, how can I help you?

Dr Nicholas, please. Surgeon.

Your name?

Dr Knight.

Please hold.

You're gonna have to give me something, brother.

Step it up. A blink.

A swallow.

Rita speaking.

Don't hang up. It's Hugh.

Knight.

What do you want?

What would it take for you to accept a critical head trauma?

Are you kidding me?

Rita, please.

Of course I'd help a critical patient, but I'm not on acute trauma call anymore.

Look, I'm sorry I didn't call you after that night where we...

(CALL DISCONNECTS)

f*ck it!

Who was that?

No-one.

Better not be.

Is that it?

Subarachnoid haemorrhage.

Grade 5. See the cloud on his brain?

(EXHALES HEAVILY) I see it.

It's a catastrophic brain injury.

He's dead.

We have to redo the clinical tests, but yes.

Sorry, buddy.

Better check on the other idiots.

(THEME MUSIC)

Song: ♪ I'm going up the country ♪
♪ Babe, don't you wanna go? ♪
♪ I'm going up the country ♪
♪ Babe, don't you wanna go? ♪
♪ I'm going someplace where I've never been before ♪
♪ I'll leave this city ♪
♪ I've got to get away ♪
♪ I'm gonna leave this city ♪
♪ I've got to get away ♪
♪ All this fussin' and fightin' ♪
♪ Man, you know I sure can't stay. ♪

Doctor Doctor
01x06
Golden Harvest

(SIGHS)

Chops for my lamb chop.

(GIGGLES) That's naff.

You're being creepy.

You wanna talk?

Oh, Chazza.

You know, I'm not hungry.

I think I'm gonna go for a walk.

Where?

I dunno.

No, no, no. Stay, rest. I'll run you a bath.

I'm not allowed to have a bath, remember?

Let's just get on with things, OK?

(HEARTFELT MUSIC)

Jim.

Yeah, I'm listening.

Right, well, Matt and Charlie found out they were pregnant the same day they lost their child.

That's a terrible thing to go through.

I can't even imagine.

This family may not function in perfect synchronicity, but when something like this happens, we do it very well.

What they need right now is space, Meryl.

What they need right now is help.

Mm. Absolutely.

We have to show them they're not alone.

Now, put your thinking caps on, everyone.

Patient: Hey.

Hugh: Sorry.

Is he really dead?

I could show you the cloud.

What?

Yeah, he's really dead.

There you go, Ross.

So... what was going on?

Ah, it was... just a dumb fight.

I guess I started it and then it got bigger.

He wasn't even in it, the dead guy.

That other FIFO, he just pounded him from nowhere.

Yeah, well, the cops got him.

I'm sorry, eh.

Do you realise the guy who started the fight is a friend of peace-and-love Betty?

She's a very non-judgemental person.

Organ donation is approved.

Transplant team en route in the morning.

OK. Great.

Want that beer?

(PHONE CHIMES)

We can discuss why you went behind my back and rang some city neurosurgeon.

Ah, you heard that.

What big ears I have.

The longer you're stuck here the more likely it is you'll die.

We should make that the hospital motto, put it above the door.

We do a great breech birth, but neurosurgery we don't do.

You have no idea what's possible in the city.

Well, gee whiz, let me pull the hay from my teeth so you can tell me.

City or country, he would've died.

Maybe.

So, should we go and have that beer so you can continue to patronise me?

Why is it patronising when I'm telling you the truth?

(PHONE CHIMES)

Someone wants you.

(POP MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY)

(MUSIC CONTINUES LOUDLY)

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.

It's been a really big day.

Oh, come on.

Don't you ever have s*x in a bed?

Ah, that's for ordinary people and couples.

So how come you and Penny were at the pub earlier?

Well, we didn't actually make it inside the pub.

Well, whose idea was it?

This is sounding a lot like a couples conversation.

(DOOR OPENS)

Oh, sorry.

Aoife, have you seen the rolling pin?

I'm making mojitos.

Ah, bottom drawer.

And, Simone, this is Hugh.

He looks like my pa.

Your dad?

My grandad. You two want cocktails?

Ah, maybe just coffee intravenously.

Come on, pops, what you need is an espresso martini.

(SIGHS AND CHUCKLES)

(CASH REGISTER PIPS)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Dewani.

sh1t.

Come on, hurry up, let's go.

sh1t, sh1t, sh1t, sh1t, sh1t.

They must be the transplant team.

No sh1t.

Drive.

What are you...

Come on, get. Take the wheel.

Whoa. Hugh, what the...

(STARTS ENGINE)

Just go!

OK.

(TYRES SCREECH)

Aoife, what are you doing? Go!

Go!

You're stressing me out. Why are we running?

Oh, OK, good, we've lost 'em. Just take me home.

Who is them?

No-one you need to worry about.

Right, next left.

Left. Left. Aoife!

Aoife: You've already made me late for work.

Oh, you don't understand.

Why you're being such a monumental knobhead?

No, I don't.

Turn around.

I can't go to the clinic.

Aoif... (SIGHS)

sh1t, sh1t, sh1t, sh1t, sh1t.

Go back. Reverse. The other way.

sh1t.

(CAR DOORS OPEN)

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

Alright, I lied.

I'm not some altruistic surgeon on regional sabbatical.

I was struck off for being far too much fun, and a sadistic board member thought that sending me back to my home town might be suitably humiliating punishment.

I knew something wasn't adding up with you.

That man is a cardiac surgeon and my ex-colleague.

He can't see me.

Why not?

'Cause he's a smug prick.

Oh, I get it.

Hugh: No.

You don't. You need to get me outta here.

Fine, but you owe me.

Oh, are you kidding me?

Aoife: Keep low, OK?

You can escape round there.

Man: Oi, Doc.

Gus.

I'm here for my tests. Sorry it took me so long to come in.

Penny: Delighted to have you and your specialists perform the organ retrieval, Dr Dewani.

Penny. How was your flight from Sydney?

Turbulent. So where can we scrub in?

This way.

Great.

Can you come back tomorrow?

No, heading down south.

Never mind. Sorry to bother you, eh.

Gus, wait.

(SIGHS) I'll need a specimen from you first. Come in.

Stop. In the name of fun.

No work for you today, missy.

What? I've got library duty now.

Had library duty. I pulled a favour with the principal.

Her husband is on the council.

Why would you do that?

I wanted to.

I asked her to.

You need to heal your aching womb, Charlie.

Oh, no, my womb is tippity top, A-OK, really.

(DOOR OPENS)

Hugh, your patients.

A, shut the door. And B, don't yell my name.

You treated my friend Ross last night.

Oh, idiot. Sprained wrist.

He's a nice guy. He just drinks more than humans should.

He seems scattered and he feels bad.

Yes, well, so he should. Listen, is Floyd still out there?

Yeah, he's waiting on a lift to school.

Can you send him in?

Ah, Floyd. Hugh wants to...

Shhh! Shh! Shh!

This is a hospital.

I'll just tell your patients to keep waiting then, shall I?

Mm-hm.

(DOOR CLOSES)

What's up?

How are you with espionage?

The recipient hospitals are all on stand-by.

Dewani: Ah, good, good.

I'll check the theatre nurse is scrub-prepped.

Hey, there's...

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Ow! That hurt.

Right, here's the plan, Floyd.

Your mum's out there with a bunch of city leeches that I don't wanna see, so I am gonna give you this if you go out there and when they go into the OR, you come and tell me.

You got it?

Sweet.

What are you gonna tell me?

When they go into the OR.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Good lad.

Oh, it's lovely.

You look like...

A small intestine?

Princess Grace. It's very glamorous.

So how's the birthday boy?

Um, I'm thinking of giving Ajax something money can't buy.

What?

Ooh, that?!

Be careful. You know where that leads.

Oh, my goodness. No! We're not married yet.

I was talking about a scarf made by the girls in my prayer group.

Sorry.

I understand.

You're not thinking clearly.

All paid.

I nearly forgot. This is a feelings journal, Charlie.

It helps to write everything down to get it out of your system, so you and Matt can try again.

Gosh. Thanks, Meryl.

If there is a bright side - I always believe there is - you get to keep those fabulous breasts a little longer.

Mine were ruined breastfeeding the boys. Jim'll tell you.

Now, it's a cheat day.

Who's for a hot chocolate?

Me!

Psst, Floyd.

Hey.

'Hey'? What happened?

Oh, they're gone.

Into the OR?

Yep.

You sure?

Yep. Hey, Hugh.

Yeah?

What's an OR?

Knighty!

Dewani!

You doing a retrieval?

You know it.

I got the urge... to surge.

Mate, did you... You work here?

What, are you drunk?

Rather stick a rusty scalpel up my arse.

Dewani: You telling me.

My whole life is travelling around to these depressing hospitals.

Right. Folks are from Whyhope. Just picking up Mum's results.

She's demented. So they're not ready, then?

I'll drop back in.

So why did you leave in such a rush, huh?

Still snorting Bondi up your nostrils?

Ha, funny. Actually been doing some research.

Artificial heart in a pig. Groundbreaking stuff.

Oi, Doc. Catch.

(LIQUID SLOSHES)

How's that?

I wasn't sure if you wanted piss or jerk juice, so I did both.

(CHUCKLES) Security. Country folk. Easily confused.

Are you gonna examine me?

Maybe your frontal lobe, mate.

I'm not your doctor.

(DEWANI CACKLES)

You DO work here. I knew it!

This is brilliant. This is gold.

I'm sorry, Gus. Um, I'll take your samples.

Well, maybe just one.

And Dr Knight will be in with you in a minute.

Alright, alright, I admit it.

I help out here at Hillbilly Hospital.

It's called giving back.

We're ready for you, Dan.

I see you've met our Sydney import.

I thought you two might enjoy a chat.

Oh, I can honestly say I have never enjoyed one more.

As I said, happy to help out.

Penny was unclear on transplant protocol, so, uh, expertise lent.

(DAN CHUCKLES)

Knighty, Knighty.

Ah, you were always destined for a giant tumble.

Yes, well, at least I got high enough to fall...

(SOFTLY) ..arsehole.

There you are, Mrs Lim. Good as new. No more skin tags.

Betty will show you out.

Bye-bye now.

Thank you. 'Bye.

(SIGHS)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

(DOOR OPENS)

Hi.

Hey.

Interesting hair.

Can I hide in here?

Makes two of us.

(SIGHS)

So you look, um...

I got Meryled.

Oh. Oh. What sort?

Well-meaning and pathetic Meryl.

The worst kind?

Argh. (LAUGHS)

Oh.

She's not out there, is she?

No, I think I lost her.

Good move.

(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

Oh, do you need me to, um... to check you out?

Have you got abdominal pain or...

Uh, a little, but it's not too bad, so it's fine.

S...

I've gotta go. I've got, uh, lesson plans to...

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Oh, um, no swimming in the dam for a while.

OK.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(GRUNTS)

(PHONE RINGS)

Dad.

Now?

Jim: Sun's a bit high still.

Matt: Yeah. No nibbles.

(JIM CLEARS THROAT)

(CONTINUES CLEARING THROAT)

Do you remember Winky?

Yeah, that Holstein cow. A bit.

Yeah, one night I found her in trouble.

Meryl was holding the torch, and I was attaching those calf-pulling chains.

Never gets tired, seeing them take those first shaky steps.

Unfortunately, it came out, you know... dead.

But she went on to have more calves?

No. Died of liver disease three months later.

Do you want a sandwich?

I often wonder if I... might have yanked those chains a bit hard.

So these scrapings will tell us what type of fungal infection you have, hmm?

You just breached patient confidentiality.

I didn't get your face in.

(GROANS)

(CHORTLES)

Haven't you got a heart to transport? Bugger off.

Dude, you should've seen me extract that beautiful baby.

Don't you miss it? I dedicated my first cut to you. (LAUGHS)

Any more patients, Betty?

This man deserves neither our respect nor our friendship.

I heard what you said.

We all did.

Oh, come on.

You're not holding me to all that.

Pride is an ugly companion, Hugh.

It was a joke. Dan and I were just mucking around.

City humour, you know?

(SCOFFS)

Betty? It's still me.

That's the problem, though, isn't it?

(SIGHS)

So, I'm dead to Ken and Betty.

Bloody Dan Dewani.

He's gonna Instagram the hell out of this.

Medical scandal of the year.

Mighty Knighty doing general in Whyhope.

♪ non-sabbatical, ♪

Sprung.

Yeah, they're all down there laughing at you, stuck in this backwater hell hole.

A pathetic, sad-arse, little country GP, like me.

(TYPES)


(SONG PLAYS ON RADIO)

♪ Ice queen, ice queen ♪
♪ You're so cold inside ♪
♪ Yeah, baby You're the ice que... ♪

(TURNS RADIO OFF)

Hugh: Do they know we're coming?

Penny: They don't have a phone.

Hugh: Hmm. Savages.

(ENGINE STOPS)

(CAR DOOR OPENS)

(CAR DOOR OPENS)

(CAR DOORS CLOSE)

(FLIES BUZZ)

(MACHINERY SQUEAKS)

(GUN COCKS)

Jesus.

This is not on my 'top 10 ways to go out' list.

You're trespassing. Put your hands up.

Talk!

Well, I love what you're doing here.

You're obviously a real conservationist.

The... feral pigs being such a problem in the area.

Damage they do to agriculture and wildlife.

Shut the f*ck up.

(SPLUTTERS AND SPITS)

Hugh, that's blood.

All I'm saying is...

Stop talking so we don't get our heads blown off.

I know what I'm doing.

Suddenly you're an expert.

What are you saying?

All I'm saying, mate, is it'd be a travesty if the pigs started breeding like crazy, because the number one pig culler was out with Q fever for months.

Penny: Perhaps I can explain better.

We run a comprehensive vaccination program.

Our prevention measures have reduced disease rates in the region by a third.

Why is the ATO doing that?

The ATO?

We're doctors.

You're not from the tax office?

(CHUCKLES)

You better not be shittin' me.

I'm just a normal bloke trying to help.

Go the red and the black, eh?

Yeah. Brought home the shield two years in a row.

Yeah, they did.

Whoo. Tigers!

Men: Lions.

Same cat species.

Yeah, alright. Follow me.

What the f*ck's Q fever anyway?

It won't hurt, little guy.

Nah.

Oh, you won't get him. He's stubborn.

Hey, little buddy.

Yeah?

There's gonna be blood. Wanna see that?

Yeah.

Come here.

Here we go.

(HUGH CHUCKLES)

Penny: All done.

Done!

(CHILDREN GIGGLE)

What have you got there?

Oh, that's a pig's snout. Just chop it off and give it to 'em.

They suck on it for days. It's heaps nutritious.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

Woman: Dinner!

Oh.

Hot chip fondue.

(ALL CHEER)

Hugh: Oh, great!

Oh, chips. I remember this. It's a Whyhopean tradition.

Now pack it nice and tight. More. We need... Yeah.

Fill it right up.

OK. OK. That's enough.

(OIL FRIES)

How am I supposed to...

Straight in.

Ah. Straight in.

OK.

(OTHERS CHEER)

Cheers. She's been christened. You are now a true Whyhopean.

You're only Whyhopean when it suits you.

Oh!

Oh, my God. This is delicious.

Two of these a day, hoggin', family.

It's everything you'd ever need right here. (COUGHS)

Excuse me. (CONTINUES COUGHING)

I'm gonna need to see to that now.

He won't let you, love. (SIGHS) He won't talk about it.

Not even to me.

(CONTINUES COUGHING)

Well, you need to change his mind.

Here.

Electronic voice: Can you help me? Where is the toilet? Pouvez-vous m'aider? Où est la toilette?

Pouvez-vous merder? Où sont le toilette?

I am lost. Je suis perdue.

I am lost.

Je suis perdue.

(DORA BLEATS)

You got kids, Dora? (LAUGHS)

Kids.

OK. (SIGHS)

(MATT GRUNTS)

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC)

(SIGHS)

(GRUNTS)

Well, that was hairy.

Mmm.

You can tell Dan Dewani you're living on the edge out here.

Alright, fair call.

The blood in Craig's cough, though, what do you reckon?

A bleeding respiratory tract? Could be cancer.

He'd have to come in.

Alright, I'll get him in.

(UNLOCKS PHONE)

You're not buying that, are you?

I already have, for Ajax.

What happened to the watch?

Well, funnily enough, I changed my mind.

I'm not sure that's appropriate either.

Can't get anything right, can I?

Not today.

So are we friends again?

Barely colleagues.

I'll take it.

I really don't care how you feel about being here, Hugh.

As you know. I expect nothing less than what you did.

Betty and Ken are, however, optimists about human nature and you crushed them.

Well, don't sugar-coat it.

(PHONE CHIMES)

Check that, will you?

(SIGHS)

Ken's Instagrammed a photo of me - ♪fraud.

(GIGGLES) That's funny.

Like it for me, will you?

Ha.

Ross, it's Betty here.

I'm just calling again to see if you're OK.

Can you please call me back?

OK, 'bye.

Will you guys help me out?

I can't find my stethoscope.

I would.

But I wouldn't wanna contaminate you with my rural inferiority.

Well, I can't be a very good doctor without a stethoscope now, can I?

Is that what you are? It says here you're a fake and a liar.

Someone should've warned that girl who OD'ed at your party.

What? Stop tweeting that sh1t, you psycho.

Delete.

It's been shared 152 times.

Is that Photoshopped?

I've got no teeth. Betty.

I just find the whole thing incredibly sad.

You poor, poor man.

What is it about you that makes you hate yourself so much?

I don't ha...

(SIGHS)

Ah, thanks for kicking me while I'm down.

What?

You told everyone everything.

Well, so?

That was not for public consumption. Now they hate me.

Well, I don't.

Then why would you do that?

You have to tell me everything about your past life.

I want all the ops, details, results.

You must have got to do the best stuff.

I did. And I miss it every day.

Anyway, I gotta go and pick up Ajax's present.

He's got his birthday dinner tonight.

Alright, I'll catch you later then.

Come with me.

And eat with your family?

They're batshit crazy.

Yeah, you'll fit right in.

How about it?

Jim: Happy birthday.

Meryl: Happy birthday!

(AJAX CHUCKLES)

You like it, huh?

Ajax: Oh, sh1t, yeah.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

(ENGINE ROARS)

Oh, what is that racket?

(SWITCHES OFF ENGINE)

The ego has landed.

(HUGH EXHALES)

Happy birthday, Ajax. Catch.

Well, come on. Come and take a look.

(UNENTHUSIASTICALLY) Thanks.

It's awesome.

Yeah. Oh.

I don't want it.

It's a Ducati.

He said he didn't want it.

(EXHALES UNCERTAINLY)

Sorry.

Why would you do that? He doesn't ride since his accident.

What accident?

When he was 10.

Scared the hell out of him.

Well, no-one told me.

I did. I rang you twice.

Oh. Really?

Meryl: I think what you two need to heal is a Pacific cruise.

Hayley, spuds?

Cruises aren't really my thing.

Nonsense. I have brochures you can look at.

Great way to lock in a bout of gastro.

Dad, gotta use the tip of the knife. You get a cleaner cut.

I went on a cruise once.

Well, it was more like one of those hens' party boats.

You know, with all the lights?

We all stripped off and swam around and we couldn't get back up, it was hilarious.

There was this topless waiter, only I'm pretty sure he was a gigolo.

'Cause he was hung like a bull.

I mean, that thing needed its own landing strip.

(GIGGLES)

I was told. I didn't see it.

I think the bride might've. (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

(CLOCK TICKS)

Pass the gravy.

Uh, Hugh, why is Ken saying that you're a fraud on Instagram?

'Why is Ken?' is the question, Hayley.

What, they don't know either?

Know what?

Nothing.

Well, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

It's private, Aoife. We are all here for Ajax.

We're family. Nothing's private.

I vouch for that!

(MERYL CLEARS THROAT)

OK, fine.

It's a small town with small minds and big mouths, so you're all bound to find out anyway.

I am not here on sabbatical.

I was sent here after an incident with a woman who I saved, but she...

I let my social life get in the way of work too much.

Got busted, and now I'm on probation for a year here.

Cheers! Happy birthday, Ajax.

Thanks, Hugh.

What happened to giving back? Dear, oh, dear.

Well, we're all here for Ajax. Who needs a drink?

Me! I do!

Meryl: Let's eat.

I'll say grace.

I think that we should all say a special prayer for Charlie and Matt's precious little ang...

I don't wanna pray.

Maybe it was supposed to happen. Maybe I'm relieved.

Not relieved.

That's the wrong word.

But maybe if there was something wrong, maybe it's better.

A week ago, there was a miner bird trapped in the house.

It's a sign of death.

What happened to us, it just happened.

I reckon it was a boy.

(EXHALES)

Who knows?

I would've been stoked with a girl, though.

Especially if she looked like her mum.

Though she would've been homeschooled and not date till she was 30.

(LAUGHS AND SNIFFS)

I was thinking about eggs.

Oh, you're always thinking about eggs.

Nah, not to eat.

You know, eggs are a symbol of life, aren't they?

Like, spring and fertility and all that.

I dunno. Maybe it was a different sign.

Give it another shot.

(HEARTFELT MUSIC)

Hey.

(MATT KISSES)

(CHARLIE SNIFFS)

Aoife: You've gotta have something.

Trips, uppers, coke.

Something.

Sadly, no.

Aside from that hair, which should be illegal.

You haven't changed.

Do people ever?

Oh, you won't.

Ah, maybe I will.

Oh, I think I've got half a doobie in my jacket downstairs.

Do people still say 'doobie'?

Aoife: Hey, Ajax.

Ajax: Hi.

Doobie.

Sorry I don't want the bike. It's just...

Oh, it was a dumb idea anyway.

I do get carried away sometimes.

I could sell it and have the cash.

No, you can't, 'cause it's a lease.

I was joking.

Oh, funny.

You never got me anything before.

Hmm. I still haven't.

Are you gonna have s*x now?

Get out.

Mycetoma is an infection of tissue and bone, which is why you had the haemoptysis.

Blood in your saliva.

Oh, right.

But if you take a course of antifungal medication twice a day, should be fine.

He's not very good at remembering stuff like that, Doc.

Thought as much.

Which is why... you down two of these a day.

Yeah, but just two. Like, I promised her.

Two cans. Two tabs. Now you won't forget.

Now, officially I can't condone drinking on medication.

But... you just gave me beer.

Well, I gave you a choice.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Wahey!

You're coming for dinner every Friday.

OK, no arguments.

Ken: Ah, Hugh.

Penny's looking for you and here's the new plane roster.

Looks like you'll be flying a lot this month.

You're welcome to bring your boyfriend with you.

Yeah, yeah, I understand.

Alright. Yeah.

Alright, take care, Ross. 'Bye.

Who's next?

Um, Mrs Hale at one.

And it would be great if you could mask your contempt.

Alright.

Truce?

How's your friend Ross?

Oh, not great.

I, um... He's sort of laying low out of shame.

No-one's lived a perfect life. I told him that.

Anyway, I made an appointment for him to come in.

That hit to the head's given him a headache and made him sort of slur-y.

Hit to the head? I thought he only had a sprained wrist.

Did he seem confused?

Just off somehow.

Where is he now?

At work, I guess.

Which is crazy, considering his hand.

Show me. Let's go.

What?

Let's go!

Ross!

He might be round the back.

Ross!

Ross?

(ROSS MOANS)

Just look to me.

Pupils are fixed and dilated. Eyes are down and out.

Betty.

OK, Ross.

I think you're having an extradural haemorrhage.

Bleeding inside your skull, putting pressure on your brain.

Oh, he's out. I'm gonna call an ambulance.

Hugh: No time for that.

Betty: Oh, hello.

Ambulance, please.

Ah, yep. 16 Runion Street.

Ah, Betty. Betty Bell.

He's unconscious.

Pray to whoever it is you pray to, Betty.

(DRILL WHIRRS, THEN STOPS)

This is our best shot.

We need to open up his head or he'll die.

You're gonna sterilise that drill bit with the oxy torch, and then this.

OK.

Find the axial point.

Then hold his head while I do it, OK?

Betty. Breathe.

(EXHALES HEAVILY)

(TORCH HISSES)

OK. Ready.

Hold his head very still, OK?

Gotta drill down to the dura but no further.

Or?

Or I'll puncture his brain.

(EXHALES)

You ready?

(DRILL WHIRRS)

Perfect.

(ROSS COUGHS)

I think I just started breathing again.

Alright, I'll tube it.

(PENNY AND BETTY CHUCKLE)

This is festive.

Yes, well, ever been to a penance party?

That looks familiar.

(PRESSES BUTTONS)

Too good not to share.

(PENNY GIGGLES)

Ross is stable by the way.

I saw him. Thanks.

Did you hear? Betty saved Ross's life.

Not really how Betty's telling it.

I gave you the glory because you seemed to have such a deep need for it.

Yes, well, guess I deserved that one.

Ken tweeted that you're not an organ donor.

Who would want them?

Do you remember your first transplant?

Absolutely.

God, I was going nuts waiting for the heart to arrive.

The recipient was a 15-year-old girl - dilated cardiomyopathy.

How did it go?

Oh, it was terrifying.

But when I saw the new heart beat perfectly inside her chest for the first time, well... my God.

Gary's organs saved eight people.

Eight?

Wow.

What a champ.

Hugh.

There's two of you.

Well, it's Hugh for the price of one.

I've only got room for Whyhope Hugh.

Ah.

And if you ever trash-talk me and this practice again, your nuts will need a ventilator.

Fair enough.

(OIL FRIES)

Penny's the expert.

Check the technique, people.

What is this culinary delight I have been robbed of?

This is pretty much my national dish.

This is a misuse of hospital grounds.

It's a peace offering, Ken.

Treating us like country bumpkins?

Mocking us with our own rituals? That's a peace offering?

Or another gesture of contempt?

Regardless, I will eat your sandwich but know that there is no peace between us.

Ah!

So, after this, if you want... we could have s*x in a bed?

That's for couples, isn't it?