Dad, you alright?
Is it your legs?
Pressing a glass on your head? That does absolutely nothing.
Should I save this guy or not?
Woman: Dr Knight!
He's a fat, sexist shock jock who adds nothing to the world.
You have a mass on your chest, but here at Hillbilly Hospital we don't know for sure what that is.
Hey, you, uh... you wanna hit the office, do the books, make a baby?
Charlie: Oh, I don't think I'm ovulating now.
Hugh: Who's that?
Matt: Your brother.
Hugh: Oh, the foster kid.
He's been that since he was six. Stop calling him that.
I got you a very hard to get appointment.
It is cancer! I knew it!
So happy when he kills. (LOWLY) He could be a psychopath.
The jury's out.
I just like shooting.
Ohh! Why are you all so violent?!
Why would you do that? Jesus!
Penny will take care of you.
Nah, I'll see you.
You'll need a prostate exam.
Well, I'm certainly not having a woman do that, now, am I?
So... what are you doing to do?
What?! I don't know what to do!
What am I gonna tell my mum? How am I gonna go to school?
I told him to pull out. I told him I wasn't on the pill!
I mean, I don't even like him that much.
I can't have a baby with him!
We did it in the back of a truck.
That's not where babies come from.
There's no romance in that. I'm only 15!
You're not pregnant, but that's what it feels like.
Consider this the best lesson in contraception you'll ever have.
You can't do that.
I mean, you're a doctor.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Dr Knight, your lawyer called.
Thank you, Betty.
He says if you don't call...
Please don't tell anyone about this.
I wasn't really in the back of a truck with him.
And I always use condoms.
I'll bulk bill you for today.
This might sound bad, but I read your stars for today and it said your past is coming to get you.
Song: ♪ I'm going up the country ♪
♪ Babe, don't you wanna go? ♪
♪ I'm going up the country ♪
♪ Babe, don't you wanna go? ♪
♪ I'm going someplace where I've never been before ♪
♪ I'll leave this city ♪
♪ I've got to get away ♪
♪ I'm gonna leave this city ♪
♪ I've got to get away ♪
♪ All this fussin' and fightin' ♪
♪ Man, you know I sure can't stay. ♪
(LIGHT QUIRKY MUSIC)
What do you want?
What makes you think I want something?
Everything about you right now.
I'm glad you brought it up.
It appears I need to go to Sydney today.
Today? Is this you being funny?
I have a little legal matter that won't clear up.
What did you do?
How did he record it?
Phone. In his gown, up his arse... I don't know exactly.
You can't do this to me, Hugh.
How will I get a GP to come out here and work if you get yourself struck off for being a dickhead?
How long have you known about this?
Well, I knew one of my patients had made a recording while I was operating.
I didn't know he was going to blackmail me by threatening to go to the medical board about what he heard.
Blackmail, or is he just making a justified objection to what you said?
Every opinion is valid.
Good news is he wants to meet me.
Bad news is today.
You're so arrogant. You're on probation!
Yes, now you can see why I said, "I need to go to Sydney."
Go. Make it go away, for all our sakes.
Matt: Charlie, are you there?
Hello? You alright?
I'm definitely distracted. Sorry. What did you say?
I said, "When are you ovulating? I'll put it in the calendar."
Then I said, "Charlie, you there? Hello?"
What's going on?
Nothing! I'm just a bit... Don't worry about it.
Is it because we're not pregnant yet?
Maybe, I guess.
Well, we will get pregnant.
Stop being so endlessly positive.
OK, we won't get pregnant.
We have been trying, trying, trying for six months.
And nothing's happening and I'm sick of trying.
It's normal for it to take a while.
That's why we've gotta keep at it.
Are you taking me seriously or are you trying to have s*x?
Well, can it be both?
You actually think you're being charming right now.
(TEARFULLY) God, you're a dick sometimes.
Are you going somewhere?
Just heading back to Sydney. Back before you know it.
You're certainly racking up the frequent flyer points.
You know me. I love flying.
Can't get enough.
I'm checking up on Joey, see he's getting the proper medical attention, OK?
Meryl: He's resourceful and he's always been so creative with road kill.
I got your test results back this morning.
You have something called myelodysplasia.
It's a blood disorder.
You're going to need blood transfusions to clean your blood... regularly.
How often will depend on your red blood cell count, but we are the same blood type so I can donate.
Maybe you could bring Mum along with you.
I'm not telling her.
She's your wife.
And you're my doctor.
So you keep your mouth shut too.
Alright, alright. I'm going, I'm going!
You seem angry at that tree.
It's not the tree.
Right, well, I'm going to Sydney for the night.
Good for you!
You could... come.
Right, well, I just had a very similar one-way conversation with Dad, so I'm gonna get going.
It was a dumb idea. You have a farm and a wife and...
I'm gonna get going.
Don't you have to check with Charlie first?
No, I'll get my bag.
So a woman has eggs and a man has what?
And when you mix those two things together they become an embryo, if you're lucky, which eventually grows into a foetus and then becomes a baby.
Any questions so far? Rachel.
Why does my dad sometimes lock his bedroom door when he's with my mum?
'Cause they're... talking about you.
Any other questions? Floyd.
Why do ladies grow babies in their tummies if their bums are bigger?
That's a great question.
Can anything think of a reason why?
Imagine, uh, this was my baby and I was pregnant here.
What's my first problem?
Doing a fart.
Yes, thank you, Floyd.
That's definitely a problem, isn't it?
Are there any other problems?
You can't sit down.
You can't sit down. Very good.
OK, now where was I?
Just talk amongst yourselves.
Mile high club flashbacks?
I wouldn't recommend it, actually.
It's a small space, impractical.
Jeez, you're really working up a sweat.
All I can see is flames.
And this helps?
I'm trying to release my fear.
Emotional freedom technique.
I'm tapping on acupuncture points.
Look, it's very big in Byron, alright?
We're not even off the ground yet.
What are you gonna be like in the air?
You must have a pretty good reason to go to Sydney.
One of my patients is making a complaint about me.
Well, a couple of complaints - malpractice, defamation...
Well, just a collection of complaints he put together after listening to a recording of me operating on him.
It's gonna be fine.
My lawyers will fix it.
The city will save me.
Hugh on recording: Whoa! Look out. Herpes alert.
Don't have herpes. Never have.
I know. I'm sorry.
I... (TAPS TABLE) ..shouldn't have said that.
If it comes out dirty, you gotta kiss the nearest girl.
That means you, Sonia.
Woman: Give it a rest!
Woman: I'll hold you to that.
Hugh: I'm gonna hold you to a lot of things.
Starting with my bedroom wall.
Woman: Ooh, Sonia!
Things didn't work out with Sonia, if it makes a difference.
Hugh: Here we have it - the heart, tucked away under lay upon layer of fat, custard and marzipan on top.
Look, can we just stop?
Anyone for cake?
Let's cut to the part where I say I'm sorry and you tell me what you want.
No. I want him to hear this.
I apologise, Henry. I really do.
This was not a good time for me and I was not my best self.
I understand this must be very distressing for you to hear, but you were never meant to.
Let's not drag this out any further.
What have I gotta do to keep it all in this room?
Hugh: Oh! Found the remote! It was inside this fat roll here.
My client's asking for $100,000 for the distress Dr Knight's caused, plus a further $30,000 for every comment deemed hurtful.
(SCOFFS) $30,000 per comment?
Henry: Or I take my complaint and my evidence to the medical board.
You can take...
Sonia, watch your hand.
I think he likes you.
Alright, I'll take it.
What about this guy? Lives 40 minutes out of town.
Handy in case he gets annoying.
Likes to take long walks - who doesn't? - and looking at pictures in cookbooks.
Betty: I think he sounds perfect.
One of these guys has to be nice enough to see more than once.
Give me a look at his photo.
Oh, no, not him.
Here's a picture of him at Machu Picchu.
His medical history? Betty!
That would be unethical and unprofessional for me to look...
He came in last week.
(GASPS) Oh, God!
That would be unpleasant.
You saved me.
Your prince will come, Tinderella.
There's nothing you could've done. Your hands were tied.
Tell you what I could've done -
I could've reached into his chest and pulled out my A-grade stent.
You know, hospitals are full of people like Henry Goodearl - no self-control, blaming everyone else for their shitty lives while they sit around on their fat arses watching TV, eating sh1t and drinking sugar.
You know, he should be thanking me for operating on him in the first place.
Know what the grand irony is?
If I hadn't done such a good job on his heart Henry Goodearl wouldn't be alive right now to sue me.
That'll make really interesting listening at the medical board.
Oh, that wasn't you. I was talking about somebody else.
(CHUCKLES) You mentioned my name. Twice.
Have you been doing what I think you've been doing?
Mate, don't ask him questions...
I've been doing what any normal person does in a toilet.
Oh, I can smell you from here!
You're making it worse!
Get him off me!
Oh, you reek of them!
Give it back!
Every time you smoke one of these, you ruin my good work.
Hey, no! Hey...
I'll gladly tell me lawyers that you used assault to relay your advice.
Oh, please, send them my regards.
Righto, righto. Time to go, time to go.
Bye-bye now, and thanks in advance.
At 30 grand a comment, you've just taken the most expensive piss of your life!
So you just up and left, did you?
Surprised your husband can still surprise you?
Charlie: This better not be about this morning, Matt.
If I'd known you'd run off, I wouldn't have said anything.
Whoa, whoa. No-one's running anywhere.
I'm just taking a night away to bond with my brother.
Yeah, and that always works out well, doesn't it?
I'll call you later, alright?
(SIGHS) Charlie and I had a blue this morning.
Yeah, about any one thing specifically or...
It wasn't about you, if that's what you're thinking.
Got better things to talk about.
Well, I hope so.
This is it.
(SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE)
Hugh: Thank you for that.
(CAR DOOR SHUTS)
Might take a look around town.
Leave you to it.
(SIGHS) Good one.
Mike. Yeah, yeah, it's me.
Look, something's happened, regrettable, again.
I may have made things worse.
No, much, much worse.
Anyway, see what you can do.
You can fit more passionfruit.
More. Always more.
You don't win Best Stall at the Whyhope School Fete four years in a row by scrimping on passionfruit.
Do we, ladies?
Everyone loves passionfruit.
I'm not losing my Best Stall title to some second-hand, smelly, old clothes store.
We're going to win it with this butter cake recipe for sure.
My grandmother taught me how to ice a butter cake and her grandmother taught her.
Oh, if only I had a little grandson, one that I could pass my recipe on to.
How long does a grandmother-to-be have to wait?
Oh, the waiting is a terrible thing.
Women: Oh, yeah.
Why don't you just write your recipe down, I'll pass it on?
Ajax and I will have a baby for you, Meryl, once we get married, of course, and go to Disneyland.
Ooh, so much to do! Oh, I love butter cake.
(CHUCKLES) Hayley, darling, I don't doubt for a second that you will provide a string of wholesome babies when you're ready.
You've got birthing hips. You'd make a good dairy cow.
Oh, God willing. Thank you, Meryl.
Meryl: Not all cows produce milk... or babies and that's life.
Did you ever think the problem isn't the cow?
The problem could very well be the bull.
Are you being deliberately obstructive, Charlotte?
Are you trying to be barren?
The Lord will plant the seed when the time is right.
Hayley, stick to the passionfruit.
Can I help you or should I call security?
Ahh, no. Um, nothing like that.
I wanna get my swimmers tested.
You'd like an appointment.
Next appointment is in June.
Ahh. I can only do today. I don't get to town that much.
I can see.
I live in Whyhope, population 343 till someone dies.
We don't have a swimmers clinic there like this.
We don't... we don't have much.
I can't. I'm sorry. There's nothing.
Please. I... I'll be really quick.
I'll be in and out.
My marriage is counting on it.
I don't have a clinic room available, but we do have...
I was in town.
Thought I'd see how they're looking after you.
They're not, hey?
They're letting me go.
I've gotta go through the final checks before they discharge me, but I'm going home.
I think they need the bed.
Oh, I'll find you a bed.
Hugh, no, no... Hugh, don't!
I'm happy to go! Hugh!
Woman: It's like you're not hearing me, Hugh.
How many ways can I say this? It's inoperable.
Hugh: Nothing is inoperable.
There's nothing more we can do for Joey but make him comfortable.
Comfortable? Come on, Gia. Don't be defeatist.
We both know there's plenty more we can do before we start using the word 'comfortable'.
He wants to go home.
He'll be better off surrounded by the people he knows and his snakes, apparently.
There are no facilities there. You don't know what it's like.
It's like a third-world country.
That reminds me - isn't that where you're supposed to be?
I've known Joey all my life.
He is my oldest friend.
Joey's dying, Hugh.
There's no point dragging it out because you don't like it.
It's not fair, but that's the way it is.
You have to think of him now.
Looks like you found her.
Yeah, she talked me through it.
It's serious, but... nothing's ever certain in medicine.
Surprises happen all the time.
There's always more tests or new things to try.
Are you sure you spoke to the same lady?
No-one can truly say what's happening inside a body.
There's always hope.
I don't know, Hugh.
Last I heard we were running pretty low on hope.
I'm not giving up on you.
I just wanna get back to Whyhope.
Well, the next flight is tomorrow.
You can stay at my apartment tonight.
I wasn't grabbing at his pen1s, Mike. It was his pocket.
Well, of course he's gonna say that.
All the more to sue me with.
Alright, thank you.
So... what's it like having your brother home?
I can't imagine Hugh in the country.
You just don't know that side to him.
What does he do when he's not working?
He must have some little farmer's wife he's trying to f*ck.
There's always someone he's after.
Let's just hope it's not mine.
So what do you do?
Um, I own a brewery.
Ohh, there's already so much about you that I like.
Ever tried to drink a Sydney girl under the table?
I'll meet you down there.
You're funnier than your bother.
No-one's ever said that before.
I wonder how the boys are going.
I think it's good they're away together.
As long as he doesn't bring that city attitude back with him.
It makes him arrogant.
I fell in love with an arrogant young man all those years ago.
I wasn't arrogant.
You don't know what you're talking about, woman.
You never did.
(GIGGLES AND KISSES)
('HEART OF GLASS' BY BLONDIE PLAYS)
Where's Matt? Why isn't he answering his phone?
He is unavailable at the moment.
One has no hands whilst one is receiving a lap dance.
Oh, what are you trying to do, Hugh?
Mix a mojito without any lime. What are you trying to do?
Can you be serious a minute?
We need to talk about what happened.
No, move on, Charlie. It's over.
(SCOFFS) You're such a child.
Just put him on. Now.
Prick! Oh, my God!
(MATT CONTINUES LAUGHING) Mmm...
I think everybody's drunk, but nobody's as drunk as you are.
(LAUGHS) You think I'm drunker than you?
By 'drunk', I mean 'pretty'.
Your bra's on backwards.
You got boobs on your back.
(CHUCKLES) They're on my front and if you want to touch them, just say so.
I'm not allowed.
My wife would leave me if she found out.
But then again maybe she's already left me because I can't get my swimmers to swim straight.
I fed... I fed a chook into a cup today. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) I... I think someone's talking gibberish.
Matt: I don't wanna lose her.
Charlie's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Hugh, my head, take it. It's falling off.
Oh, no, wait. Give me yours.
Hey, one foot in front of the other. Come on.
You alright, little brother?
I wanna go home.
I know you do.
Matt, call me back!
So how you doing?
Good to get a taste of the high life before I go.
Oh, don't say that.
(CHILD SHRIEKS AND GIGGLES)
I can't believe they brought their kids.
Woman: Hugh, Jasper did a poo in your room.
I'm sorry. I thought his nappy was on.
Do you have any towels that aren't white?
I'll handle it.
See, they used to be fun and interesting people.
You don't like kids?
No, I do not.
Why would you do that to yourself?
I always thought I'd be better as a dad.
Even that sentence makes me wanna go get a vasectomy.
(CHUCKLES AND HACKS) Oh, oh...
(JOEY COUGHS HEAVILY)
Ohh! Don't make me laugh. You'll kill me.
Probably not a bad way to go.
You're a dad, you know.
Ajax. He's yours.
Piss off. What are you on?
His mum's Kelly Cross, right?
Yeah, I think so.
Well, did you ever sleep with Kelly Cross, Hugh?
OK, funny 'cause you know I did.
Meryl took Ajax when Kelly was killed.
Why do you think she done that, then?
Mum took lots of foster kids. She just kept him, I guess.
I don't know. I was interning in America.
What is this sh1t? You shit-stirring me?
No, I'm not.
Ajax is my son?
You worked this out by yourself, did you, Sherlock Holmes?
Nope. I got drunk with Kelly one night and she told me.
I guess she wanted me to tell you, so I just did.
See you soon.
The look on your face - I'm glad I lived to see that.
You're for real?
Dead men don't lie. No point.
Where can I sleep?
(BIRDS CHIRP AND WARBLE)
Mum? Get... get out of here, you stupid goat!
Get out! Bad, Dora. Bad, Dora.
Mum?! Go, go! Get out!
Out! Look what you've done.
Get out! Out! Mum?!
Oh-ho! Oh, everything's ruined.
Oh, my stall!
You have it.
I don't like passionfruit.
(GAGS AND COUGHS)
Don't try and play the good brother now. It doesn't suit ya.
(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)
We've sold 25 plates already.
Oh, it's a fabulous turnout.
And don't forget the voting cards.
Remember, it's all about the voting.
Oh, voting cards, you wanna fill this one out and put it in here for me?
Ajax, your brothers are back.
How was the city?
I need to find Charlie.
Hugh: Think Matt knows about Ajax?
Dunno. Anything's possible in a family.
Hey, Mike, any progress on the Henry Goodearl debacle?
Mike: Oh, it's gone beyond reconciliation, Hugh.
He wants to go public.
Hugh: As in what? Journalists?
Mike: Well, the last thing he said was he hates you so much he believes the right thing to do now is to let the people know what a monster you are.
(CHUCKLES) I'm reading that as a television deal, but I could be wrong.
How'd you go?
No impending lawsuit? No disgraced doctor headlines?
Ended in a handshake.
Well, that's a bit of an anticlimax, isn't it?
However, I'm pleased.
Ah, doctor, someone's waiting.
Earth sign, burly man hands, related.
Is this a haiku?
Jim: Yeah, are you kidding?
Did you see he got knocked out by Harley Holmes?
Yeah, I did. Cried for a week.
How did you get him here?
He came in himself.
You didn't tell him what I was doing in Sydney, did you?
The thought of going backwards in my father's next-to-nothing affections keeps me awake at night.
Better than cocaine, I suppose.
Dad. Sorry to keep you.
Let's get this over with.
Did you get a lap dance, yes or no?
Define 'lap' and then define 'dance'.
I'm gonna take that as a yes.
I haven't been that drunk since I was a teenager.
I've vomited small parts of myself into every toilet bowl from Sydney to here.
I've flushed my soul down the toilet, Charlie. I flushed it.
If you wanted a lap dance, Matt, then all you needed to do was ask.
Last night made me so jealous, all I wanted to do was rip you home and screw your brains out.
Let's do it right here, and I'll forgive you for the lap dance.
I can't! I can't! I slept with a woman in Sydney.
Who was she?
I think her name was Becky.
Did you kiss her?
I can't remember any of it.
Then, how do you know you did it?
Because I woke up, she was next to me in my bed. She was naked.
Before that, all I can remember is tequila, lots of it.
Tequila makes you do BAD things.
I don't... I don't think you slept with anyone.
You're too good.
I'm not! I'm bad!
But you don't remember!
Where was Hugh when all this was supposed to be happening?
Hugh didn't have anything to do with this.
Where are you going?
See you at home.
Enjoy. Thanks for your custom.
And don't forget to vote for us for Whyhope Fete's best stall.
Oh, we filled it out for you, Dot.
All you have to do is just put it in the ballot box over there.
There, there, there.
What about Beryl Jenkins?
Oh, no, you can't have her.
If you had a truck that needed an oil change every two weeks, you'd sell it for parts.
I think you should tell Mum.
We wouldn't tell her anything.
Did we, though?
I don't want her to know, and that's final.
Family has its secrets, huh?
Sometimes it's for the best.
And when would that be, those times? You got examples?
Dr Knight, there's an angry woman at reception.
Just a sec, Dad.
You're so pathetic.
You couldn't wait to get back here and destroy us, could you?
But I'm on to you, Hugh. I KNOW what you're up to.
So stop going out of your way to mess up my life.
If this is about Matt, I told him nothing happened.
Yeah, I know nothing happened, because he wouldn't do that to me but you would!
I'm sorry about the other night.
Promise me we won't tell him.
Make a pact with me we just won't tell him.
About the kiss?
Don't call it "the kiss"!
I don't want you calling it anything.
I'm just asking you not to bring it up again, OK?
It's done. It's over. There's nothing between us.
Just show some loyalty to your brother.
Four years in a row!
Normally I would thank my family for supporting me, but they didn't.
But my youngest son, Ajax, is here, so thank you, my darling.
And when you see your brothers, you can tell them that my last will and testament will reflect those who were in attendance today and those who weren't.
You didn't sleep with a woman in Sydney.
You... you went to see Hugh?
My dick kept telling me, "You didn't," but my head kept saying, "You don't know that for sure."
Well, you didn't do it.
And I'm sorry - I know I've been a crazy person lately, but your brother makes me that way.
I'm such an idiot.
We're both idiots.
Did you do that?
Your mother infuriates me too.
Seems to run in the family.
s*x 'cause we want to?
s*x 'cause we want to.
You can't do anything?
Mike, surely there's a...
No, no. No, I understand.
Yeah, I know you did.
Well, I guess you'll let me know and I'll see you at the tribunal.
Alright. Thanks, mate.
It isn't over, is it?
Oh, it's worse.
It's so much worse.
It was a very, very bad idea to go to Sydney.
Henry Goodearl won't settle.
There's gonna be a tribunal. He wants to go public.
My lawyer thinks he's even struck up a TV deal.
I said sorry that many times, but he's very clear that 'sorry' won't cut it.
What's he after?
Then maybe that's what you should give him.
Off to Sydney. Back tomorrow.
What's up with you?
Did I... do something?
Took Matt to the city.
Didn't ask me. You never asked me.
I didn't even think...
You don't see me as your brother, do you?
Do you wanna come to Sydney?
As long as I don't give too much thought to the amount of space between us and the ground, I'm fine.
You know I was afraid of blowflies when I was little?
And look at me now, hardly give them a second thought.
I did not know that.
Mmm, now you do.
What, he lives here?
(SIGHS) Yeah, flat 18C.
Oh, poor b*st*rd. It's like chook batteries but for people.
True. Stay with the cab.
I haven't come to Sydney to stay in the cab.
I'm assuming you brought cash.
Henry, I wanted to apologise.
I bet you do now, but you didn't then.
When I rang your office and you didn't call back, when I finally got hold of you to ask you to on the phone, and you said, "Piss off, mate. You're lucky to be alive."
Figure of speech.
"Piss off" or "You're lucky to be alive"?
Why's he here?
He's not important.
He never does anything with me.
Oh, yeah, too big for the little people.
Exactly. Big shot.
Well, that's gonna cost you.
Please don't smoke, please don't smoke. PLEASE, don't smoke.
Henry, I can be an arrogant prick sometimes, and what I said was wrong and disrespectful.
What was it?
Can I hear it?
No. Shut up!
Don't talk to him like that!
Hey, do you have to live here?
You should move to the country. This is sh1t.
Mum has osteo. I have to take care of her.
Right. That must be tough.
So I have few pleasures, and this is one of them.
Henry... I want you to live.
I worked nine hours on you. Twice.
I'm begging you - please let me continue to help people.
Drop the complaint with the board, otherwise I can't help anyone, I can't save anyone.
Then I'm just an arrogant prick that has nothing else to offer.
(LAUGHS) That's funny. Should we open a window?
Hugh, you didn't actually say 'sorry'.
Henry, I'm sorry. Very sorry.
You trusted me and I betrayed your trust.
You gave me the privilege of having my hands on your heart and I abused it.
And the money?
Let's make a deal.
Ajax: You live here?!
What do you say, Henry? 40 cash and you move into this place?
And you do the cliff walk every day and FaceTime me while you do it.
(TEARILY) Mum would love it here.
And the fags?
No, they're off the table.
Alright, well, then you smoke on the balcony.
But no medical board complaint.
(LAUGHS) OK, deal.
Oh, I've gotta ring my mum. (LAUGHS)
Man, I would have visited if I knew you had this place.
I should have invited you.
No, you don't want me around.
Sorry I was a whinger about Matt and bringing him.
No, you were right, you're my...
You can say it, mate.
(PLANE ENGINE RUMBLES)