Succession

Season 3, Episode 4

Lion in the Meadow

Transcript

s03e04 - Lion in the Meadow script

detail

News anchor: ( On TV ) If you're joining us now, this is the update...

( Phone pings )

( Sighs )

News Anchor: .. on the story which is still dominating the news today. The FBI's dramatic raid on...

Kendall Roy: Oh, man!

There's so much good sh¡t on the Waystar raid.

Look at that.

Manifested.

You glad you're not on their team, huh, G?

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.

Totally.

What's up?

Uh, no, nothing. Um...

Your dad just wants to see me, uh... uh, like, right away in his apartment, like, right now.

Okay.

Greg Hirsch: Um...

Sure.

You should go.

Yeah?

Kendall: Yeah.

It means you have weight, bro. You're an asset.

( Sighs )

I just... I have like... this...

I have this, like, stupid worry that I'm gonna go over and there will be, like, goons and stooges and rough-jacks there to administer a beating.

Well, honestly, he'll try to turn you against me.

Right?

Greg: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

And that's fine.

Because you're not gonna turn against me.

No, no, no. No!

No way!

Are you gonna turn against me?

No way, man. I'm sturdy!

I'm a sturdy... birdy.

That's right!

Say it three times before the cock crows, brother.

( Phone pings )

Cock-a-doodle-do!

Kendall: Okay, knuckle up, Big Bird.

Jess Jordan: Ken?

Yeah?

So, they say it's super-high importance.

Scheduled for five minutes.

Sc... What is?

What the fսck?

( Scoffs ) You think they're... They think they can fire me?

No.

Yeah, okay. All right.

Hey, guys! I'm gonna need the command pod.

Can you clear the room?

Greg: Yeah.

( "Succession" theme music playing )

( Music concludes )

Automated Voice: Please speak your name after the tone.

Little Lord Fuckleroy.

Automated Voice: Please hold while we connect you to your conference.

Kendall's voice: ( On phone ) Little Lord Fuckleroy.

Automated Voice: ... is now joining the call.

Hello, hello.

Gerri Kellman: Hi, Kendall.

You're on with, uh, Frank, Carl, Siobhan, Roman, Karolina, Hugo, and, um...

Wow! Holy sh¡t!

Gang's all here, huh? It's like the fսck¡ng...

Sergeant Pepper of broken corporate America.

Conference call jokes are just the best jokes, huh?

So, now I'm thinking maybe I should terminate and dial back in with my own counsel.

It's just a conversation, Ken.

Kendall: Oh, hey, Shiv!

Thanks for the letter.

First-rate composition.

Really fսck¡ng horrible.

I didn't say anything that wasn't true.

Kendall: Oh, no?

Well, I hope it was worth it.

I don't know if me and you come back from that.

Yeah, okay, well, sure, Mom.

( Kendall fake laughs )

Excuse me.

You sure you picked the right side, Shiv?

Gerri: Excuse me! Excuse me!

Kendall: Yeah, Gerri, what?

Kendall, we have a situation.

Kendall: Yeah, you do have a situation. Don't you?

Uh, Frank, Karl, can you talk? Um...

Frank is going to speak now.

Hey, Ken.

Kendall: Hey, Frank.

Yeah, the temperature of the DOJ investigation, the raid here, it's caused serious blowback from investors.

Yeah, thank you for that, Kendall.

Kendall: Hey, accountability's a fսckеr.

The Feds find your nipple clamps, Karl?

Specifically, Josh Aaronson and his four percent holding.

That chiseling little fսck.

Frank Vernon: He called Gerri direct and he's thinking of switching to Sandy and Stewy.

And noisily.

His fingers on the big red button, Ken.

We've talked to him about what we can do and he's playing hard to get.

But... he was interested in time in the room with you and your dad.

Together?

No.

Yeah, his thing was, I guess, to know how this goes.

He wants his pound of flesh, all right?

Gerri: Uh, Kendall, he just wants to make sure that the family business can still function.

Yeah, well, obviously, I can't meet jointly with Dad.

It's just a half hour in a lawyer's office later.

Kendall, we are four days out from the shareholder meeting.

Karl Muller: Kendall, it's about control of the company, all right?

The vote is on a razor's edge.

We need his four percent.

Unless you think that any of us would have a bright future with Sandy and Stewy in control of the firm.

So, um, he's suggesting in four hours...

No, no, no. No! You don't railroad me. No.

I need to run this by my team.

Me and Dad together, the optics are janky as fսck.

Come! Behave appropriately!

Kendall: Oh, hey, Dad!

Come on, when have I ever not behaved appropriately?

This just doesn't work for me.

So, fսck you and God bless.

Kendall's voice: ( On phone ) Little Lord Fuckleroy.

Automated Voice: ... has left the call.

Shiv Roy: If he doesn't go, how bad is it?

Well, I'm hearing that the raid was just a warning shot.

So, things should settle down now.

I think I need more people.

More protection.

Dad, you have two former Deputy AG's and the ex-head of Fraud at Main Justice.

These are the Harlem Globetrotters, the Westchester Judge-fuckers.

The Raisin owes me everything.

And now I need a bit of fսck¡ng cover, the forgetful cսոt's gone AWOL.

I think perhaps, we have been insufficiently rigorous, journalistically, on the President.

You think he'll respond well to a little bit of pressure?

Well, every time I call Michelle-Anne, she tells me, "Be Patient! The cavalry is coming!"

I need leverage.

I have Connor, again.

See? See?

I'm in a corner.

Everyone wants a piece.

Everyone's out of their box. Everything's coming up fսck.

I want you on fire-watch, okay?

Yeah, okay, Dad. Absolutely.

And, uh, watch the negotiations.

Karl's a smart bastard but, uh, he likes to be liked.

Not good.

Got it.

Okay, so can we strategize? I got potential gold here.

But I need your read on how to deploy.

Roman, could you please put your footwear on?

Uh, see, for this to work, we need, you know, boundaries.

And...

What, I can't take my footwear off?

Well, it's just...

What, I can't mastսrbatе in a time and place of my choosing?

See that?

You are building...

That will kill us.

... a police state here, Gerri.

I found tattoo man.

"Tattoo man"?

Roman Roy: Yup.

Funny little story. So, about fifteen-ish years ago, Kendall's bachelor party in New Orleans, we did this, like... ironic bar crawl thing on Bourbon Street.

And we got chatting with this, you know, friendly hobo.

And there was talk of, you know, various... disgusting endeavors like, you know, "Would the hobo eat a deep-fried deck shoe?"

( Fake laughs ) You know, stupid, whatever, bullshit.

Before we settled on a rather... indecent proposal which was to... get the homeless man to have Kendall's name tattooed on his forehead.

What?

Yeah, we got Kendall's initials tattooed on a rando.

And you think this is a good idea to dredge this up?

On Kendall? Woke-ahontas?

Using a poor's forehead as a Post-It?

It's fսck¡ng killer, are you kidding me?

Well, I'm not so sure.

Okay, well, we can talk about it over lunch, maybe?

Uh, not today, Roman, I have a date.

fսck off! With who? Montgomery Clift?

The Ghost of Christmas Past?

Gerri: Laurie.

Who?

Laurie.

He's ex-DOJ.

He worked the Arthur Anderson prosecution.

I want to see if there's a back channel there.

Roman: Laurie?

And you said he wants to back-channel you in the parking lot or...

Yeah, so, the thing is, I'm dating.

I am dating and that needs to be understood.

Okay, I get it. Yeah, yeah.

You're drawing a line.

Or otherwise, you know...

Laurie will knock my jolly old block off.

If he can... find his sword stick and fire up his motorized bath chair.

All right.

Greg: Good morning!

Logan: Ah!

Greg.

Drink.

Uh, alcohol?

Uh-huh.

Um... sure, I...

It's early but I...

Yeah, I think I'll actually have me a nice glass of rum and coke.

Kerry!

Can we bring, uh, Greg some Coca-Cola?

No, it's fine really.

Uh, she doesn't have to...

Logan: No, no, no.

What Greg wants... ( Exhales ) .. Greg must have.

Thank you. Like, so kind. Ridicu... I don't know.

Uh...

You and Kendall have been hanging around a lot.

Correct?

I am, um...

It's purely social, you know.

The thing is your position at Waystar... could become complicated if you get too associated with him.

Hmm?

You can see that?

( Groans )

Strong. Wow.

Nice and strong. Strong one.

Strong for a man.

The FBI, as you know, have been poking around our offices.

Greg... you've probably never done this before.

And we're all, all very, very concerned.

I don't want to see you hurt.

We need our lawyers all working together.

One big happy family.

Joint Defense Agreement.

Big strong umbrella.

Keeps you dry.

That... it's interesting. It's very interesting.

I think I would have to speak to my lawyer, uh, Pugh, who is often unavailable during daytime.

We have the paperwork ready for you to sign.

Right.

So, okay, I guess... um... my question would be... what's it worth?

In terms of the "me" of it all?

What do you want?

Greg: What do I want?

I mean...

What can I get?

That's not the way it works.

Well, maybe it is.

Look at you. Shaking like a fսck¡ng leaf.

( Chuckles nervously )

Logan: Listen.

You have some leverage.

Just a little.

So, why don't you fսck off and think about what you wanna ask for to come on side and I'll see what I can do.

Okay?

Fair.

Fair deal. Not a deal.

But a plan.

Shall I chug... chug this or?

I can...

I can chug it.

( Groans )

Good. Thank you, Logan.

( Exhales sharply )

Oh, good.

I don't know how you did it back in the 60s.

Different times. Different times indeed.

Better times?

Not... Not for all.

Kendall: Yo, what's up, Ancient Grains?

( Chuckles ) Just wanna see where your head's at.

Kendall: Yeah, you don't railroad me.

Not going, Frank.

( Phone ringing )

Jess.

Yes?

Rabbit-cam, for the kids.

Great.

Frank: Ken, say this all blows up the way to intend, your dad's gone. You're going to need the big beasts in your corner afterwards.

Uh-huh?

Well, Josh Aaronson is a lock for me.

He's always been a lock right back.

That's not what he says to people.

Frank: Look, it's smart to do this. You know it is.

It's smart for now because you can't have Sandy and Stewy win.

Right? That just nukes everything.

Yeah, but they'll settle... in the end, right?

But also it's smart for tomorrow because it would be fun if, if... your dad has to step away, you get to show Aaronson who you are.

When and where?

Change of venue.

It's all last minute. Josh's daughter is sick, so he requests that you go out to his island.

Uh-huh?

Frank: It's a bonus, right? Discreet.

There's a suggestion you convene with your father for ten minutes on the tarmac at the other end.

Just to, you know, agree on approach, flush out any awkwardness.

I'll let you know.

Thank you.

( Dramatic music playing )

( Phone pings )

Um, okay, we're actually being asked to hold for just one second.

Okay.

( Music softens )

Sir, you're this way.

No, for the Judas.

I'll take this one.

( Music fades )

( Phone pings )

Um, okay, you're... We're good.

Kendall: Just make sure the rabbit has water.

Jess: Yeah.

( Tense music plays )

( Music concludes )

( Phone pings )

They've asked us to take off first.

Uh-huh.

He doesn't want to wait at the other end.

Shiv: Hey!

Hey.

So, Dad would like a host out criticizing the administration.

You wanna tell Ravenhead or Cyd?

Well, that's not really how it works, Siobhan.

We'd have to handle a pivot like that very delicately.

Well, I know that, Tom.

But I thought I was talking to my husband, so I could be a little more direct.

Okay, well, as I say, it's a very complex situation, so...

What's, uh...

What's this?

Shiv: Uh-huh.

Just, um... just ranking the facilities.

Tom, that's not...

That's not gonna happen.

No, no, no, I know. But, uh... if it does, I'm leaning towards FCI Otisville as my number one.

Otisville? That's the... the prison in Maryland?

No.

No.

Cumberland is the prison camp in Maryland.

Shiv, Otisville is upstate. You know, the Jewish jail?

Yes, right.

Right, sorry.

I just keep hearing a lot of really good things about it.

Kosher vending machines and sturdy bunks and...

Tom.

It's an "if".

A really big fսck¡ng "if".

You know they're calling me Terminal Tom, down on seven?

'Cause I've got cancer of the career.

So, who tells mark we need to send a shot across the bow?

You know, Ravenhead has his own battalions.

He, uh...

He values his independence.

Shiv: He's a little b¡tch.

Once he gets it, he'll do what my dad wants.

What? White Pride FM gonna pay him 30 mil a year?

Well, he's not gonna like it.

But you'll handle it?

I mean...

Yeah, I'll do it. But...

But in terms of, you know, optics, I should probably not take orders from you.

Much.

Because of...

Because of corporate governance.

Corporate governance?

Yeah, like, you know...

Like in terms of the org chart.

And my... masculinity. I... You know.

If you carve out from me, it undermines me.

But it undermines me if I look at the wall and the org chart suggests that you're being fսckеd in the ass by your wife!

Shiv: Tom.

I would like you to handle Ravenhead, yeah?

Sure, I'll talk to him.

And can you thumb-screw Greg?

We need him under the Joint Defense.

Sure.

I'll check in later, yeah?

Where is he? Where's his car?

Kerry: I'm trying him now.

( Phone buzzes )

Yeah.

Kerry: Uh, Kendall,

I have Logan for you.

We're holding on the tarmac for the catch-up.

Yeah, hey, so look, I think it's pretty obvious what we need to say, so I'm headed straight to Josh's compound.

Tell Dad, "Meep-Meep!"

It's from Road Runner.

( Tense music playing )

Shiv: Hey! There he is!

Hey!

Hi.

Look at you, sis.

So, what can we do for you here?

Well, I wanna be a good little boy, and I wanna be useful.

But I think I need me some pie here.

Okay, so shall I go? Or will you?

You know, we're very excited about the idea of working more closely with you.

Great. Okay, politically, a lack of real-world experience has sometimes been leveled at me.

( Shiv chuckles )

Ah, now, even with the rumors, the Raisin is likely gonna win again.

So, I'm looking to make my move in four.

Therefore, I wouldn't be uninterested in coming in and hitting... three-four major achievements and then getting out.

Okay, all right, Connor. Cards on the table.

We were thinking of offering you Gourmando.

Gourmando?

Shiv: Uh-huh.

I really don't see myself at a food network.

You could do, uh, a wine tasting show.

( Chuckles ) You really think that me spitting out rioja on camera is going to help me win the rust belt?

But, Connor, I just don't think we can give you a high-level executive role in the current climate.

Look, sis.

I don't like having my boot on the old man's throat, but I do.

I got me some juice.

Well, up to a point.

Connor: Oh, no, no, no, no.

I can pull out the old megaphone anytime I want and I can say, "Hey! Guess what?

I recall my father was a nasty, racist, neglectful individual.

What was it that they used to say around here?

No Blacks, no Jews, no women above the fourth floor".

You already have our attention, Connor.

Good.

I just thought a lifestyle network or, you know, a stock situation would be easier for you to manage.

Remember... remember when you had that, uh, play post office?

And you used to stamp all the mail that came into the house?

Yeah.

This is a little bit like that. Isn't it, Shiv?

Let's stay civil, Connor.

I just don't think I wanna deal with you, Shiv.

( Tense music playing )

Hey, hey! There he is!

Josh, what's up!

Hey!

Kendall! ( Groans ) How are you?

Good to see you, man.

You okay?

Yeah, good.

Good, good.

Thanks for coming out.

Are you kidding? You just had to say the word.

( Josh sighs )

How's Kitty?

She's, uh, good. Better. It was dumb.

She had a fever this morning.

But, um...

fսck.

... I just didn't wanna come into the city.

I hope that's okay?

How's your, uh... Iverson?

Yeah, great. Great.

Yeah?

I just bought him a fսck¡ng giant rabbit.

So, now he's, like, Googling where he can buy the world's biggest carrot.

( Both laugh )

That's fսck¡ng hilarious.

It's good.

( Laughs ) Hilarious.

Come outside. Take a look.

Yeah.

Kendall: Nice spot.

Josh Aaronson: Yeah.

( Birds squawking )

So, where's the big man?

Ah, it's all good. He... he had to take a call.

He sent me ahead.

It's all good?

I don't know. Sure.

It's all terrible. It's all good.

You know. Whatever.

( Chuckles ) Right?

I don't know. I guess that's my whole question.

We should probably wait for the old man.

But yeah, look, it's a fuck-pie.

But end of the day, it's not that complicated.

Like, I'm better than my dad.

But my dad is still better than Sandy and Stewy.

Yeah. My other option is, I... just get out.

Well... the comet is coming.

Mm-hmm?

I think a single acquisition.

We buy in an oven-ready UI.

Machine learning, social media, super app dinges.

We buy GoJo.

Uh-huh.

It's a little overpriced.

Kendall: I don't know.

Great UI, shitty content, meet shitty UI, great content.

Mm...

You know, I like you. Outside of all this, I really...

I really like you.

I like you too, pal.

Big fսck¡ng nervous breakdown of a party for my fortieth.

You gotta come.

Yeah, who's going?

What, you need the list?

You, me, and Henry Kissinger! fսck you! I know everybody.

It's gonna be the bomb.

Josh: Oh, cool, yeah, yeah.

Kendall: We should hang more.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey!

Captain, my Captain!

Josh!

How's your daughter?

Josh: I think she will be fine.

Hey, thanks for, uh, coming all this way.

Oh, not at all. I know what it's like.

Josh: Yeah, thanks.

So...

Hmm?

Hello, son.

Hey, Dad.

Grab a seat.

Hmm.

So, uh... ( Chuckles )

( Clears throat ) Sorry for all this.

Look, I know you're pressed for time.

I just wanted to, uh, check in.

As an investor, but, uh, you know, also as a... as a friend.

You know, I guess I have concerns.

Let me tell you, hand on heart.

Whatever the turbulence in the short term, there is nothing that's a significant issue.

The core business is the core business and the volatility is priced in now.

So, it's all upside from here.

Safest option, back me, sit tight, counting your gold in your castle here, and I'll make you whole.

Okay?

No, it doesn't work like that. Can we take a walk?

( Chuckles ) Look at this fսck¡ng New York wiseacre.

No, seriously, come on.

It's so beautiful, it's disgusting. I mean...

A walk?

Josh: Yeah.

How far?

Come on, Dad. Let's walk it out.

Josh: Yeah?

Shall I send the cart for you, or shall we walk?

Sure! Let's walk.

Good, good. Nice! Love it!

fսck¡ng King Kong come out to dance with me.

I'm honored.

Uh, I'll be right back.

( Logan clears throat )

Okay, here they come.

fսck¡ng tattoo man!

Hugo Baker: Mm-hmm.

And thank you for coming.

Hey! Hey, man.

Hi.

Roman: How, uh...

How you doing? You look great.

Thank you.

Hi.

Good to see you again.

What? Oh, yeah, no. Good to...

Good to see you too. It's good to catch up, um...

You never call!

Hugo, do you wanna?

Yes.

So, we wanted to make an offer to Mr. Albescu.

Lawyer: Is this an NDA situation?

Sorry, but, uh, I'm not trying to be a dіck here.

But, uh, I'm looking. And, um...

Yeah, I'm just gonna say. You're the...

You're the guy, right?

Is it there?

After a four-year period, he had the... insignia, the design removed...

Huh.

... in order to improve employment potential and social acceptability.

Mm-hmm. Well... that's a shame.

I mean, I think you really had something there.

It was really working for you.

Uh, sorry, can I just?

Do you mind?

Okay.

Hugo? Could you?

Yeah, uh...

So...

Excuse me.

... you can sort of see it, right?

See, it's clearly three digits.

Hugo: Hmm.

Roman: I can make out the "R" here.

But I don't really see...

Like, does that look like a "K" to you?

Hugo: No, no. We should... No.

Okay, um...

( Whispers indistinctly )

So, do you have any, um, photos of it from around then?

We'd arrange payment if you had any photos.

Yeah, I'm not super proud of what I did.

So, wouldn't want any photos of it out there.

Right, that makes sense. And not wishing to... uh, make this too transactional, but... how much for the photos?

I really... uh...

It doesn't feel good.

It would feel like going backwards.

Yeah, that makes sense.

But there's gotta be a number.

Right?

Uh...

I...

I'm just gonna say a million dollars.

Million dollars?

Taken without permission from https://tvshowtranscripts.ourboard.org/

( Child giggling )

( Indistinct chatter )

She's feeling better, huh?

Yeah, isn't that amazing?

She was in bed an hour ago.

So, Josh, why don't you tell me what you want.

I'll see if I can give it to you and we can fսck off.

Low blood sugar.

You want me to run back and grab you a banana, or a power bar, or something?

'Cause I'd really like to get into this.

Okay, let's go.

( Sighs )

Okay.

I've lost ten percent of my four percent on this.

Three-hundred and fifty million dollars.

Ideally, I'd like to get it back.

So, uh, I guess it comes down to are you or Sandy gonna get me that back?

Stick with us.

Stick with the value proposition.

This is the industry vision, right here.

Kendall: That's right.

Uh-huh.

But how does that work?

After what you've said, how the hell does that work?

Well, you know, Beatles put out some of their best sh¡t when they were suing each other.

Right?

Yeah, good band.

Kendall: Uh-huh.

Great band.

Good band.

Right.

Knock-knock!

Oh, hey, Tom!

Terminal Tom calling!

The ghost at the feast.

The shame sponge.

No, no.

( Tom chuckles )

I just got my clock cleaned by Ravenhead.

No?

Tom Wambgans: Yeah.

But it's cool. It's just the job.

I only mention it to amuse.

Cool.

That's funny. ( Chuckles )

Yeah, now I've been sent down here to apply the thumb screws.

Greg: Oh, no.

Oh, courtesy pastries, huh?

Yeah, I think I'm...

I think I'm being courted a bit.

So...

Well, I guess I'm... I'm considering my options.

Good.

Good. You know, Greg, honestly, you can probably ask for whatever you want.

Greg: Yeah?

Uh-huh.

Greg: Well, um...

All due respect to ATN.

And you.

But I... I feel that where my heart is, is parks.

Okay.

Greg: Really.

I think ex... experience economy is maybe where it's at.

Let's game this out!

Come on, let's game it out.

Okay.

So, I was thinking of asking for Operations Director.

Yeah.

Then kill Ray.

Yes, Ray's an asshоlе.

And then, maybe, I think, you know, start hands on.

No, exactly, yeah. Get it in at a tier two park.

Ask for deputy at, like, Brightstar Buffalo, so I'm home on weekends.

Easy-peasy.

Right!

Perfect!

So, I guess you've already gamed it.

Yeah.

But, thank... thank you.

( Chuckles )

An amusing notion has just occurred to me, Greg.

Greg: Yeah?

Yes.

( Chuckles )

You're gonna be running a theme park.

Um...

And here's me, going to jail.

And you're gonna be living in a magical castle.

And I am going to be down in a dungeon somewhere, sucking off ogres for phone cards. ( Laughs )

No, I mean, who even knows? This probably won't work...

Greg what do you know about, um...

Nero and Sporus?

Nero and...

Tom: Sporus.

Spor...

Tom: Greg, yeah.

Sporus was a young slave boy.

He was Nero's favorite.

And, uh... you know what Nero did to him?

"Nero and Sporus". I don't...

This is not IP I'm familiar with.

Well, Nero... pushed his wife... down the stairs.

And then he had Sporus castrated and he married him instead.

And he gave him a ring.

And he made him dress up like his dead wife.

Wow!

Plot twist! Didn't see that coming.

Yeah, I bought a book on the Romans to read in prison.

It's a big book.

Well, is it a good book?

Tom: It's a decent book, yeah.

I'd castrate you and marry you in a heartbeat.

( Chuckles )

( Clicks tongue )

Are you okay, Tom?

Hey!

See if you can wrestle me into the ground, Greg.

No.

Tom: Come on.

I don't want to...

Come on. Let's...

Come on, let's fight like chickens.

Greg: No, I...

( Imitates chicken ) Come on!

Come on! Come on. Let's have a little punching match.

No, no.

( Tom clucking )

Come on! Fight me like a rooster, you weakling!

Please, Tom! Stop!

Come on!

Stop. I don't want to, man!

Why are you such a cock?

I don't want to!

I don't wanna do it!

( Mocks ) "I don't wanna do it! I don't wanna do it! I don't wanna do it!"

Neither do I, Greg!

It was a joke, you idiot.

You're so hard to riff with.

I mean that is a big career obstacle right there for you.

Big!

( Blows raspberry )

Come on, man.

Yeah, I guess the, uh... the actual easiest thing for me would be, uh... you know, Kendall, probably isn't too late for you to backpedal on all your sh¡t and just, you know... say you were wrong or just fuzzle it up, you know.

Just back off and cool it down.

Hmm?

No, that's not possible.

I wasn't wrong and that destroys my reputation.

You should listen to him, son.

Is this what this is?

What is this?

What?

I've been brought out here to be roughed up by the two of you?

Is that what this is?

No, no, no, no, no.

"Things just got out of hand. You were mistaken.

Things went too far".

No, no way.

Maybe just quiet down a little bit, all right?

You've made your point, all right?

Maybe just, you know... we could just close up the outrage shop.

Leave it for the DOJ to investigate.

Are you guys trying to fսck me here?

Ken...

Kendall: I see this!

Whoa, hey.

Easy. Easy, friend.

All right.

Let's go.

( Breathes deeply )

You okay, son?

Some of those drսg you do can make you paranoid.

Is that right?

( Indistinct chatter )

Hey!

Frank: Hi. Hi.

Any updates from Dad?

( Scoffs ) Radio silence, so... either everything going to plan or... they've stabbed each other to death.

Uh-huh.

And where are we at with the Sandy and Stewy negotiation?

Karl: Oh, um...

Pardon me.

Momentarily broken.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, they're just grabbing a quick bite while they wait on the turnaround of the document.

Shiv: Uh-huh.

But in terms of the temperature?

Uh, it's attritional, huh?

Yeah.

Shiv: Oh, great.

But just so I'm clear, we're hung up on what exactly?

Well, the last, um... break-out session was some specifics about the non-disparagement clause.

We're still on that?

I mean, don't we have bigger things like the stand-still?

Karl: Maybe, but... what we're really trying to scope out here is if actually there is a deal space?

Sure, but do we have time?

Or do we just send one of you two big-hitters down there and... bang some heads together?

Pull 'em out of the weeds, huh?

Uh...

It's an option. Sure.

Shiv: Great!

Okay, well, I need big news or vibrations... let me know.

We absolutely will.

Shiv: Thanks, guys.

Josh: Ah, it's good, yeah?

Kendall: Yeah. It's great.

Your dad's okay?

Yeah, he's fine.

So, uh, come on. What do you have on him?

You know, I'd really... rather not say.

Legally.

I mean, I guess it's difficult, right?

I mean, if you have jack-shit you look like a fake.

If you have really damaging sh¡t, you make me maybe want to run away, right?

Well, he's implicated.

Uh-huh.

Hey.

Just riffing.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Kendall: Pitching our vision.

Well, shall we?

( Phone rings )

Yeah?

( Knock on the door )

Tom: Hey.

Hey!

Yeah, so, it's a no on Ravenhead.

Shiv: Oh?

Yeah.

He just doesn't see how he can accommodate the pivot.

Huh.

Well, that's unfortunate.

Tom: Yeah.

Yeah, he was fairly unpleasant about it all.

Uh-huh? But I heard that... Greg's a lock.

Yeah? He signed the JDA, so...

Tom: Uh...

You nailed that.

Tom: Yeah.

That's about my level.

Tom Wambsgans, minion wrangler and shit-eater.

( Chuckles ) Okay.

You doing okay?

Is it the seniority thing?

No.

Shiv: Or the... you know, the... prison possibility?

( Sighs ) I just... I just keep thinking about, you know, you know, when we get home, uh, before dinner we have that very first glass of cold white wine.

Shiv: Uh-huh.

On an empty stomach, you know that very cold glass of wine?

I fսck¡ng love that!

I just love that and I...

And so I did a bit of research and I got deep into the prison blogs again.

Oh, honey!

You know, about "toilet wine".

And turns out you can make it from fruit and ketchup but you have to "burp" the wine back as it ferments.

And I thought, "What if I forget to burp the toilet wine?"

But the truth is I'm not gonna get wine of any temperature in prison, Shiv.

There are no fine wines in prison.

You don't get to choose what you eat.

You don't get to say what you do.

You know, like, like...

What... How late can I read? When is "lights out"?

I'm fսck¡ng... I'm fսck¡ng terrified, Shiv.

Hey!

Hey, it's...

I mean, uh...

I don't know what I can say to you.

( Phone buzzes )

Oh.

Yeah, I gotta...

It's Dad.

No. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

( Exhales sharply )

Shiv: Sorry, honey. I...

No. No, no.

Hey, Dad.

I've just spoken to Karl.

Uh, Greg's in by the way. Tom got him to sign.

Karl's not happy with your level of input.

Oh? ( Chuckles ) Okay. Well, fսck him, right?

I don't need another toothache.

Well, you okayed me to go in there and kick some ass.

And I barely...

I gave you a destination.

I can't walk you there, okay?

Okay, Dad, but if you give in to Karl, then everyone starts to carve me out.

There's a line.

And...

Nothing is a line.

Everything everywhere is always moving forever.

Get used to it.

Okay.

Logan: So, Josh... where are we on this?

You know, I have a wife at home. ( Laughs )

Uh, thank you.

Uh...

Well, uh... help yourself.

Uh, I hear you on the fundamentals.

You know.

I mean, fսck Sandy and Stewy.

That's just financial engineering and...

I can do that myself, right?

Yeah, absolutely.

But this... this still feels off.

I mean, Ken, it feels like...

I mean, you want your dad to go to jail?

Well, uh, that's not for me to say.

Josh: I mean, it kind of is, though.

Like if you were a judge, you'd want him to go to prison?

I believe the traditional whistleblowing process would be subverted.

So, that's why I...

Josh: Uh, but Logan, the reputational hit?

I mean, optically, maybe you become... a punchline.

One of those big guys who aren't coming back.

When is this gonna end?

I'm hearing separate planes.

I gotta say...

I don't like betting on blood feuds.

It ends with me in control... slapped wrists, and a payout.

That stuff... sea mist.

Vapor.

Josh: Here's the disconnect.

See, I think that... end of the day... you work for the shareholders.

For me.

But I think that you think that I'm some dipshit who had a lucky night at the casino, who acts all fancy, and then makes you eat fսck¡ng rodents for my pleasure.

Right?

But I have a gun at your head.

And I need to know if this is gonna be a functional situation.

And I'm sure you're gonna say, "Yes, it is going to be a functional situation".

But I'm gonna need to hear you say that it's a functional situation.

So, can you work together?

Uh-huh.

Sure. Absolutely.

( Laughs )

Oh, fսck. This is tough.

This is... It's fսck¡ng tough, I gotta say. 'Cause...

I don't really believe you. I mean, I kinda don't.

It'll be okay.

It'll be okay... because he's a good kid.

He's a good kid?

Logan: Yeah.

He's a good kid.

( Chuckles )

Okay.

Logan: Yeah.

He did what he thought was best.

I think he went too far, but... he's a good kid.

Yeah?

He's a good kid... and I love him.

Logan: I mean... there'll be a big number.

We'll pay, he'll mew and cry and... and I'll get it.

It'll all be okay.

And... maybe... it'll be him one day.

It's in his blood.

He learned it all from me.

And maybe... maybe he's the best one of all of them.

So, yeah... it'll be okay.

Wow!

Well...

So, that's nice to hear?

Right?

( Chuckles softly )

Josh: Huh.

So, I guess... for me to come your way, I have a little wish list.

A little EPS-juicing.

Some stock buyback.

You know... let me in. Hmm?

Sounds good.

I'd consider that. Absolutely.

( Phone rings )

I'd appreciate that, Logan.

Uh, I should take this.

I want to make sure we get back a little easier.

( Laughs ) City boy, huh?

Well, you're a bit far from your nearest coffee and bagel.

( Laughs )

Yeah.

Hello? Yes.

Uh, yes.

Uh-huh.

( Sighs )

Josh: Sure, sure, yes.

( Waves lapping, birds squawking )

What?

Josh: Okay. Good.

Okay?

Look, shall we head back? They'll, uh...

They'll send some carts for us.

Uh...

You good? You wanna wait here or we can walk up to the...

You wanna... You wanna rest up, old geezer?

I'm good.

Josh: Good, let's do it.

( Josh clears throat )

Nice speeches.

Yeah.

Well, you'll say anything to get fսckеd on a date, won't you?

You know, Greg's with me now.

He tell you? Huh?

( Sighs ) You're on your own now, son.

Kendall: We'll see.

Retire now, effective immediately, maybe I go easy, row back.

You'd scuttle the fleet in a month.

Dad, you're the silverback, but I put you in the ground that day.

And you don't get to come back.

Do you understand?

You know something, son?

I'd sooner get fսckеd by a spic in a shower block than see you have it.

( Sighs )

And I got the Raisin under my thumb, I've got the family, I've got little Greggy.

I've got the fսck¡ng tattoo man in the tank.

You're high and dry.

Face it, son.

You lost.

You guys good to keep going?

'Cause, uh, I have visitors coming and, um...

You sure you're okay? 'Cause I'm gonna run ahead.

You go! You go! I'm great.

I could send a cart.

Okay.

( Breathing heavily )

( Breathing heavily )

Hey, Josh!

Uh, I think this feels like it's going to the ocean.

No, no, this is the short way.

Uh, anyway, I know where we are.

Yeah.

Stop staring. I'm fine.

Hey, it's pretty rough, though.

So, you wanna wait for the cart?

I mean, there's a lot of bumps.

Oh, bumps! ( Laughs ) I've walked bumps!

You sure? I don't mind calling.

Logan: Oh, not for me. Not on my account.

Right, Ken?

( Pants )

We're good.

He's all good.

Let's walk it out. Right, Dad?

Yeah.

( Pants )

He's fine. He's a bear.

I'm gonna run up ahead.

Can't you even fսck¡ng tell me you need a breather?

I'm fine.

Right.

You've lied so much you don't even fսck¡ng know anymore.

Your brain's scrambled egg, look at you.

I beat you. Pipe down!

What's that? I can't hear you.

You're fսckеd.

Uh-huh, look at you. You're 600 years old and you've pissed off your fսck¡ng boyfriend, the President, and he's sending the Feds on you and you're wriggling, but you're in too deep.

Everyone knows.

And now you're trying to counter but you've put Shiv in there and she's a fսck¡ng dipshit.

I hear no one respects her. Everyone's digging her out.

And you're losing control, and everyone hates you.

Let's just close the deal with Josh.

He fսck¡ng hates you too.

Your anti-Semitic fսck¡ng bagel and gold bullshit!

Oh, fսck off!

You don't even know what you're saying half the time.

It's like you're fսck¡ng losing it, man.

( Panting ) You got water?

Ask your fսck¡ng iPhone.

Josh: Listen. I'm gonna call the house.

'Cause, this is the quick way but sometimes it takes longer, so I'm checking.

Kendall: Okay.

All right.

( Continues panting )

( Groans )

Just catch your breath, okay? Catch your breath.

Get me something... in case I puke.

Yeah, I know where I am. We don't know where you are.

Yeah, so, we're not lost. You're lost.

( Pants heavily )

Dad, come on.

( Chokes and groans )

Josh: You okay?

Yeah, yeah. Tell him. Yeah.

All good. All good.

( Pants )

( Logan groans )

Hey, listen to me. Are you okay?

Are you having a fսck¡ng heart attack here?

fսck off!

I know what heart attacks are and this isn't one. ( Pants )

You... ( Groans )

I think we need a cart and a doctor.

No fսck¡ng doctor! Not in front of him!

I don't want you fսck¡ng dying here.

You tried to fսck me!

We need to get you back, okay? Let's just get you back.

( Panting )

( Logan screams and groans )

Kendall: Dad!

Hey, Josh, uh, we need to get my dad back.

Josh: fսck! fսck!

You okay?

Yeah. ( Winces and groans )

I'm gonna get a doctor.

Come on.

( Logan groans )

( Groans )

Okay?

( Winces )

You know, I'm all right. ( Pants )

Take it easy, right here. Take it easy. Sit down.

( Winces ) Oh, fսck!

Josh: Okay?

Yeah.

Sit down. Sit down.

( Groans )

( Panting and groaning )

Josh: Where the fսck are you?

We need a doctor.

Kendall: Okay?

Josh: Okay.

Yes, yes, thank you.

Too much sun.

He'll be fine. Just a bit too much sun.

( Sighs )

We're good. Hey, listen, man.

You know, I think, I think...

I think, maybe, why don't you just think about your dad right now, huh?

Right, Ken?

( Sighs )

Wanda: ... but I could get talking about Margaret's school bus story.

What do you think, Mark?

Mark Ravenhead: I like "Pedo Daycare". It's strong.

Oh, no, don't let me interrupt.

You carry on. I'll just wait in the corner.

Uh...

( Scoffs )

Let's end there. I think we're pretty much done.

Great!

Shiv: Hey.

Um, just so you know, Mark only discusses editorial with Cyd or Logan.

That's just been long-standing...

Oh, no, that's fine. It's not editorial.

Oh.

Shiv: Thanks, Wanda.

Hey!

Mark: Hi.

It is editorial, so...

Yeah.

I have a line for you on the President that we'd like you to start rolling out immediately.

We're open to suggestions, but, uh, we just feel like our general ideological sympathy has maybe let them off the hook on too many specifics.

Right? Like big tech.

Middle East.

Green subsidies.

We'd like a branded nightly segment, like...

"Is he losing his grip?"

"Is he losing his grip?"

You know he's a friend, right?

But with a question mark, like, "Is he?"

Oh! Oh, with a question mark!

Well, thank you for giving me discretion on the punctuation.

Shiv, I have a perspective.

Okay?

And a reputation that I've built up over a number of years.

But this is something my dad wants.

So, one, he has a great antenna and you should trust his hunches.

But two... in a sense, this conversation is already over.

It's just a question of how many times we scream the word "fսck" at each other before you do what we want.

What if I go public with this full-court press?

Incredibly embarrassing for you.

Yeah, but... the thing about us, Mark, and you should know this by now, we don't get embarrassed.

After me. Thanks.

Hey! How're things looking?

Conference call with lawyers before they head back in.

Sandy and Stewy. No progress. It's not good.

And how was the date?

Did you fսck him or tug him off between courses?

Enough, okay?

Gerri: Seriously, I mean it.

Enough. Stop it.

Seriously, stop flirting with me.

What do you want?

You're gonna fսck¡ng die.

Gerri: Oh, God!

Roman: I know.

Don't use this.

No! Come on... That is a magic bullet.

He's gonna love it.

Dad's gonna give me my bedtime bath.

Bank the photos. By all means. But don't spread it around.

Yeah, it's great for Logan.

It's bad for Kendall.

It's bad for you.

"The Tattoo Brothers"?

Oh, okay, so, what? You, uh... you care?

"How does this advance my personal position?"

You need to think about that 24/7.

You should get that tattooed on your head.

Here.

Keep the photos. Our little secret.

Oh, did you hear about your dad?

No, what?

Logan: Uh-huh. I'm sorry.

I don't control them like that.

He has editorial freedom.

( Indistinct chatter over phone )

Oh, come on, come on! That's just rumors.

Watch the show!

I'm sure it won't seem so bad.

( Indistinct chatter over phone continues )

You want to hear what it sounds like when the President loses his temper?

( Giggles )

( Chuckles )

Look, let me investigate. I...

You know Mark.

He's very tenacious, very independent.

I don't know, but if I wasn't so tied up in this fսck¡ng investigation, I could focus on keeping ATN on message. Hmm?

Roman: Hey, I hear you tried to kill Dad again?

It was just heat exhaustion.

Uh, that's not what we're hearing.

We're hearing that you took an old man out to die in the sun.

We went for a hike with Josh.

You tried to assassinate our dad with the sun.

Do you have a fetish for nearly killing Dad?

Like, "Just the tip" but for like killing Dad?

Well, look, it's in hand.

The vote.

Josh is a lock.

Uh, well, no, actually. He's out.

What are you talking about?

He's with us.

Roman: No! He's out.

Frank just got off the phone.

Apparently, Dad's little freak-out gave him the sh¡ts.

Weak leadership, fractured at the top.

You let him fսck¡ng shrivel, he saw that.

And now he has, quote, "Zero faith in the post-Dad leadership".

It's not my fault he's an old man who can't climb a fսck¡ng hill.

We're about to lose the company at the shareholder meet, all because you wouldn't give our dad a timely fսck¡ng Evian.

Good day!

( Melancholy music plays )

( Indistinct chatter )

( Music concludes )

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Transcripts expected throughout Friday, 29 March, 2024.

s07e03 - Capsized - 9-1-1

s07e03 - True Colors - Station 19

s20e03 - Walk on the Ocean - Greys Anatomy

s01e04 - The Secret Line - Manhunt

s01e06 - Turpin Time - The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin

s01 - Season 1 - Renegade Nell

s01e01 - A Master of Circumstance - A Gentleman in Moscow

s01e06 - TBA - Law & Order Toronto: Criminal Intent

s03e05 - The Battle of Techwood - BMF: Black Mafia Family

s01e03 - Sensitivity Training - The Trades

s01e04 - The Labour Day Parade - The Trades

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