04x04 - The Pretend War

( Water dripping )

( Wind blowing in distance )

( Water dripping )

( Low rumble, fluttering )

( Clicking, creaking )

( Wind whistling )

( Faint screaming )

( Door creaks )

( Gasps )

( Panting )

♪ ♪

( Retching, coughing )

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

( Wind whistling )

What the f*ck?

Reverse. Go, go!

( Tires screech )

♪ ♪

( Signal whistle )

( Signal whistle repeats )

( Different signal whistle responds )

( Sharp, short whistle )

( Signal whistle )

( Screaming )

Omie: Get out of the car.

What did you say to me?

All of you. ( Exhales )

♪ ♪

( Grunts )

( Sizzling )

That's what I thought.

All bark.

♪ ♪

( Bell dings )

( Indistinct chatter )

( Entry bells jingle )

When first I come to America, I know nothing.

How to dress, what to eat.

I sleep in a closet with a stuck hanger in my jacket so I don't fall down.

On the street I hear this phrase.

You know this phrase: "American values."

And I think, "What does it mean?"

Financial values I understand.

Money. What a thing is worth.

Human values, this also makes sense.

The things we love.

Family, i bambini...

But this American values: land of the free, home of the brave, this I don't know.

And then I learn the history of this country.

Your slavery, the smallpox in the blankets, how you stole the land from the natives.

And I realize... to be an American is to pretend.


You pretend to be one thing when really you are something else.

And I can do that.

Lie. Hide.

But what I will not do is pretend we are at peace when really we are at war.

Are we at war?

Not yet.

But we're trying real hard.

It was a step too far, no?

You mean you?

What? No. You steal the guns, You kill my man.

You're shooting at my boss' boy.

What you say? A shot?

Who shot?

Your goons.

Taking a shot at the boss' boy, the eldest.

Calamita and the Rabbi.

And the way I figure, Calamita is lucky that we didn't off him, too!

You didn't know?

How about a Spring Street stick-up, night before last?

Two dames.

Shotguns, kitchen knives.

Took out two of my boys.

That-that wasn't us.

Well, are you sure?

'Cause it seems to me that you ain't tracked in on all the critical goings-ons in your house these days.

I'll come back to you.

( Coins clatter on table )

( Entry bells jingle )

( Sighs )

( Door closes )

♪ They told me ♪
♪ Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum ♪
♪ A newborn King to see ♪
♪ Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum ♪
♪ Our finest gifts we bring ♪
♪ Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum ♪
♪ To lay before the King ♪
♪ Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum ♪
♪ Rum-pum-pum-pum ♪
♪ Rum-pum-pum-pum ♪
♪ Me and my drum ♪

How many?

300 semiautomatic.

Out of New York.

So either the Faddas are going into the gun business now or they're going to war, with us.

Sell 200 to Mort Kellerman.

Out of Fargo?

Tell him he can have them at cost, but he owes us devotion.

And, uh, this here... the snatch and grab?

Faddas say it wasn't them.

Opal: And what, we trust them now?

Two broads, you said?

Yeah. One, uh, colored, one squaw.

They could have farmed it out female, the Italians, confuse the matter.


Nobody's dumb and smart at the same time.

This here is just some crime.

Two Bonnies.

We got to beat the bushes, flip some rocks.

They'll crawl out.


What we need to do is find out who's on top over in Little Italy.

One or the other.

They come at my family again, we'll kill them all.

♪ ♪

( Oraetta grunting )

( Meowing )

( Grunting, panting )

( Cat meows )

Oh... my God!

( Gasps )


♪ Signorina from Italy... ♪

( Both sigh )

( Both panting )


Oh! Oh...

Jesus Christ.


Josto: Is that...

( Mutters )

Josto: What was that?

( Sighs ) Oh...


( Sighs )

♪ They all agree that we... ♪

I was reading the most delicious article last night about Istanbul.

Even the word's romantic, don't you think?


I think that's where they filmed Casablanca.

Josto: Mm...

They filmed Casablanca in Casablanca.



Oh, y-yeah, course. Silly me.

Just, doesn't it sound divine?

Getting away, laying out for the northern territories, wind in your hair?

I got mouths to feed, answerability.

Oh. A box, you mean... four walls of pine, which is... ( Sighs ) well, a coffin is what it is, mister.

There are places in the Amazon rain forests where a million butterflies take flight all at once.

Isn't that something a man should see before he dies?

My brother's in from the old country, breaking balls.

Ah, excuse you, Mr. Potty Mouth.


It's just, I swear I could kill that guy.

Your brother?


Doctor at the hospital.

Stuffed shirt, thinks he sh1ts cornflakes.



Your mind's a clutter of grievances.

Here I am, talking about waterfalls, and you're making a list of nemeses.

Friends or enemies. That's the world, hmm?

Oraetta Mayflower's enemy to no man.

You're a dame.

Where I come from, we sleep with one eye open and a razor in our teeth.

You got any more of that fluffy whizbang?

Get my head on straight?

And here I thought you liked me for my vocabulary.

Well, it's not your vocabulary that just took a ride in my lap.

Hey! That... rude.

We fly elevated in this house, mister.

Proper ladies and gentlemen, which is a lesson you should take to heart in your other lives.

And you sleep with a mouthful of razors, it's your own throat that gets cut.

Believe you me.

You got the powder or not?

Oraetta: I thought you were refined.

Why, 'cause my shoes are shiny?

( Sniffs )

( Groans softly )

Look at that. You left a mark.

Mm. I'm sure I don't know what you mean.

What is this?

Uh, sorry. I was...

Is Miss Mayflower home?

Oraetta: Nobody wants you here.

You said 50 cents or a dollar for organizing.

I got to go.

Well, d-don't... you don't-don't...

See what you did?

Sorry. I just... if you need help with organizing, or anything... ( Sighs )

We need the money.

( Sighs )

Well, now, look at you.


I didn't recognize you in this dark hallway.

You said...

I did, but can it wait, sweetie?

Oraetta's got to get to work.

I got time now.

I'm a good organizer.


There's that gumption.

Ah, fine.

Come in while I get cleaned up.

I'm usually oh, so organized, but, well, these days my mind's like a little bird, a million miles away.

Oh, I've been reading about the kings of Egypt.

Pharaohs, they're called.

Like that King Tut they found living inside a pyramid.

He's a mummy, so... dead, I think.

Of course. Yeah.

Well, no, he wasn't "living in," he was laying in.

Why, sometimes my mouth says just the strangest things.

Oh, shoot. I've got to fly.

Now, will you just put some things away, so that when I come home tonight I don't feel like jumping out the window with everything such a jumble?

Uh, do you want me to wash these dishes?

Oh, would you? That'd be swell.

Oh, and while you're at it, my room's just down the hallway.

So if you're doing dishes, you might as well clean the sheets.

( Quietly ): Sheets.

( Door creaks, closes )

What's in there?

Oh, never you mind about that.

Now, like I said, there's, uh, there's French-playing records just by the hi-fi, and, uh, yeah, you can borrow any book you like.

How much?

How much what?

The way I see it, this whole place...

Sheets, dishes, three hours' work...

That's at least a dollar.

Well, aren't you a little capitalist.

( Antoon snoring )


What the hell are you doing here?

I got to tell you something.


You're gonna hear talk, about me, something I did or maybe didn't do.

Shining a bad light, I mean.

Just be aware of whose lips are doing the flapping.

You being a fink? It sounds like you're being a fink.

I botched a hit.

You botched... how's that?

The Cannon boy. Lemuel.

Calamita said get in the car, so I got in the car.

We tailed the kid. He said light him up.

I'm sinking my teeth into your jugular if this story ends with...

No, no, no. It don't.

Like I said, he told me to open up, but events didn't feel right.

"On whose authority?" I ask him, but he don't say, so I laid on the kibosh.

But the kid saw my fangs, no doubt.

And look, look, if you ordered it, I got no problem accepting consequence.

But I know you don't want to start a war.

I didn't order a goddamn hit!

So you're saying what? Gaetano?

You're telling me that porkpie, ziti-eating greaser is giving my boys orders now?

That sticky golem wop.

( Grunts )

Gotta be kidding me. ( Grunts )

( Grunts )

( Exhales )

( Whistles )

( Grunts )

Look. Here.

( Engine starts )

You're a good boy. Reliable.

You're with me, right?


All right. You're gonna watch 'em.


All of 'em.

You're like a f*cking bird on a wire, got me?

Eyes in the back of your head.

What about Calamita?

Uh, don't worry, he'll get his.

It's a new day. Got me?

Spring f*cking cleaning.

You're either loyal, or you're with him.

Find that cop, Odis.

Tell him to come to the club, rapid fire.

( Car door closes )

( Car departs )

That's right. The Pump and Go out on Route 16.

I'm the nightman.

You might tell the marshal what you told me.

About the lesbians?

Well, there was two of them.

Uh, a injun and-and a colored woman.

And they were conversing.

Y-Yes, sir, that's correct.


I'm asking what was the nature of the exchange?

Oh. Uh, just, uh... normal chitchat.

See, I th-thought you said they were talking about skipping town.

When you called me.

Right. Yeah. Skipping town.

That's affirmative.

Uh, said they was headed to Chicago.


Yes, sir. Chicago.

S-Said they was on their way.

There it is.

Guess they flew the coop. ( Chuckles )

( Sighs )

I'll, uh, I'll walk you out.

Thank you for coming in, Mr. Sinclair.

What's this?

Don't be an idiot.

( Knocking and grunting rhythmically )

Least I know how to open a damn door.

Guess you're off to Chicago, then, buddy.

That's too bad. We were just starting to hit it off.

Funny story.


We're a national agency, turns out.

The U.S. Marshal Service.

We got offices in Chicago, Indianapolis, all over.

( Exhales )

So, I'll pass along the tip, but Kansas City was my mandate, and Kansas City is where I'll stay.

You know, in case they circle back.

( Stammers )

( Footsteps approaching )

( Sharp exhale )

That's fine. I just thought...

I got to run an errand.

An errand?

( Exhales )

See a snitch, I'm saying. An informant?

You probably... we got a code.

Well, hell, why didn't you say so?

I'll drive.

That's... d-don't... don't, don't, don't, don't trouble yourself.

Amigo, please. It's the least I can do.

You giving orders now?

Calm down.


( Chuckles )


It's a gunfight, asshole.

( Gunshot )

What is this... your little war council?

Boss, I told them to wait for you.

Did you know?

...took a shot at Loy's kid. Did you know?

Ebal: I just found out from the consigliere.

And you... you're lucky my man was there.

Or I'd be cutting your throat with a can of cat food right now.

Ayo. They stole from us.

This morning, these mulignani. Yeah.

300 guns.

Because they think that... we are weak.

They're right. You're weak.

You're weak.

You took a shot, you missed.

Now my enemy's got, what, 300 guns?


Do it.

Please. Do it.

Do it.

( Sheathes knife )



( Snaps fingers )

( Door opens )

( Door closes )

It's not his fault. Come on.

I'll be a minute.

( Grunting rhythmically )

Is this the minute?

I could come with.


No, no. I-I got to... don't want to spook him.

( Cars drive past )


Have you accepted Jesus Christ into your heart?

Get the f*ck out of here.

What's the ordeal upstairs?

Booze? Gambling?

If a man's pud need a tug, would this be the place for said tugging?

What's that supposed to mean?

You'll see.



What is that?

An O?

( Chuckles ) Listen... get the f*ck out of here before I put an O in you.

You ever been to Salt Lake?

That's where I'm from.

We had some Italian gentlemen move to town, few years back.

Thought they could make a few bucks turning our sons into junkies and our daughters into whores.

We dissuaded them of that notion with a noose and some horses.

Must have dragged 'em six, seven miles before their heads... popped off.

I'll be in the car, waiting for my friend, if you need me.

You fellas have a nice day.

Ebal: Look, kid. We are trying to avoid a war here.

So you're gonna remind these mulignani that they ain't just fighting us, they are fighting city hall.

They are fighting the cops.

Know your place. Tell them.

Or else. ( Sniffs )

And you. You're gonna go to New York.


You're gonna go to New York, kiss the ring, tell them we got everything under control.

Maybe bring back a few guys.

Which is it?


What is it with everyone today thinking they can talk back to me like we're having a debate?

You... put the muscle on Cannon, bust some heads, make some arrests.

And you... put on your traveling shoes, 'cause you're on the move.

( Knocking and grunting rhythmically )

( Door opens )

( "Les Fleurs Sont Des Mots" by Danielle Darrieux playing )

( Ethelrida humming along )

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

( Record skipping, lyric repeating )

( Record scratches, stops )

( Cat yowls )

( Purring softly )

( Gasps )

( Exhales )

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

( Yowling )

( Dog barking in distance )

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

( Phone ringing )

( Purring softly )

( Door opens )

( Ringing continues )

( Ringing continues )

It's not safe for you driving in this neighborhood.

Faddas got PD on payroll.

What I got to do won't take that long.

Dead or in jail.

That's what I tell him every time I leave.


If I don't come back it's cause I'm dead or in jail.

Was it a warning or did you f*ck up?

I protected your son.

By firing your gun at him?

I protected your son.

Who's calling the shots over there?

The ape or the pipsqueak?

Cops patrol these streets every ten minutes.

You don't want to linger.

They don't respect you.

You know those wops you run with?

You're not one of them.

And I know what you did.

Boo-hoo at the back door.


"Help me, Daddy."

Then in come the goons.

You don't know nothing.

What's that like, killing your own family?

I'll tell you what. Bring me my boy, and I'll consider us square.

Maybe God will, too.

You know, it's not too late to right thyself in the eyes of the Lord.

Why don't we stop talking and you cut me some more?

Bring me my boy... plus I give you five grand.

How about that?

I can't do it.

I can't do it.

They ain't your family.


( Groceries clatter )

Anything happens to my boy, either of my boys...

...it's gonna be like you killed them.

And I'm gonna feed you to some pigs.

Sounds fair to me.

( Wind whistling )

( Water dripping )

( Dripping continues )

( Sniffing )

( Water sloshing )

( Sniffs )

( Laughs )

( Swanee groaning )

I know, baby, I know.

It's okay, gorgeous, I'm here.

( Groaning weakly )

( Drips echoing )

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

( Wind whistling )

Swan Lake?


( Gasps )

( Grunting )

( Retching )

( Zelmare laughs )

That's okay, that's okay.

He does that sometimes.

Mean ol' Mr. Snowman.



Who made that pie?


The pie. Who made the pie?

I don't know. The neighbor, I think?

What are you doing here?

Which neighbor? That nurse?

You're out here risking arrest to ask me who made dessert?

No. I'm your Monopoly card.

My what?

Your Get Out of Jail Free card.

Whe... where?

Thurman, can I give you some advice?


When the money fairy comes to visit, don't ask questions.

Why's it smell funny?

Also a question.

How much?

I don't unders...

You got a sister?


Then you don't know.

She's proud, my Dibrell.

But when she loves you, oh, there's nothing she won't do.

Best you not tell her about this.

Just pay the man back and say "bygones." Hear me?

She's not gonna like it.

No, she ain't.

But she'll get over it.

What we don't get over is... being dead.

Wait, where do we find you?

We're staying at the New Parie.

One night, maybe two.

Swanee needs recovery, then we're on the fly.

You tell my niece I'm proud of her.

Tell her don't let no sorry ass cut in front of her in line.

Uh, what line?

Any line.

( Exhales )

( Engine starts )

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

Lemuel ( muffled ): Dad, there's a white man at the door.

Dad, there's a white man at the door!

You got 30 seconds to convince me not to shoot.

That's a lot of greenbacks, Thurman.

Yes, sir, it is.

Where'd you get it?

Well, sir, I'd ra... I'd rather not say.

It was, uh, the loss of a loved one, if you must know.

My dear Uncle Boolie.

He... he passed last week, left me this money and... since you were nice enough to give us that loan, I figured I should bring it to you straightaway.

So he left you this bag of cash.

Your uncle... w-what was it?


No, sir. His bequeathment came in check form.

Uh, I just figured cash'd be easier for you.

Thurman Thurman, always thinking.

I got to tell you, I can't remember the last time a white man tried to make my life easier.

Well, here's me, then. ( Chuckles )

Here's you.

Well, okay. Thanks for stopping by.

( Exhales )

Okay, then.

That's... hoo.

I got to say, I really thought you were gonna shoot me there, money or no.

I thought about it.

( Chuckles )

I'm gonna go now.

Good choice.

( Footsteps departing )

You have a lovely home. Uh...

Leave now.

( Door opens, closes )

( Rapid footsteps )

( Car door opens, closes )

( Engine starts in distance )

( Car departing )

( Sniffing )

Son of a bitch.

Oh... ( Laughs )

Someone's happy.

( Gasps )

Will you marry me?

( Laughs ) Stop it. We did that already.

Well, I'm saying let's just do it all over again.

That's how much I love you.


You being stupid now. Stop it.

What about you?

What about me? ( Laughs )

Will you be my beautiful, brilliant daughter?

Did Daddy hit his head?

I think so. ( Laughs )

Oh, what are you doing?


Get some pop now. Be quick.

( Exhales )

Spill the good news already.

I did it.

We're out.

Out of what?

Out of danger. Out of debt.

Ethelrida: How?

Thurman: Never you mind how.

All that matters is your daddy fixed things.

Ethelrida: You're kiddin'.

Thurman: On a stack of Bibles, it's sigh a relief o'clock around here at the old Smutny household.

( Glasses clink )

Thurman: Aren't you gonna drink?

What did you do?

I told you, I fixed things.

Where is she?


You know who. Where is she?


Don't "babe" me.

Do you got any idea what she did to get that money?

Dad, what's she talking about?

Now, Dibrell, I'm gonna...

I got to put my foot down here.

This was... not casting stones, but...

And look, I didn't want to... you remember, take that money in the first place.

A man like that, so...

Thurman Howard Smutny.

Thurman: No, I solved it. I...

Opportunity knocked and I walked through that door.

I seized the...

Baby... what did you do?

Whatever I did, it's done.

( Door opens )

( Door closes )

She'll be all right.

This'll... it'll all blow over soon enough.

Man: Now I get it.

( Rooster crows )